Missing Child!

So there I was, supervising a handful of kids of various ages. One little girl (kindergarten) comes up and asks me if she can use the washroom.... for the second time.... in a half an hour.... without drinking anything. I hesitate and suggest she can wait since she just went.
5 minutes later she approaches me again. "Can I use the washroom now?" she asked. With a sigh I told her to go ahead. . . .
Many minutes down the road, say 15-30 minutes, I was finishing going through a series of one-after-another parent coming to pick up their child. I checked my list of kids again and noticed with a sudden heart stop, "I'm missing someone!" I search the room frantically before I remember that she was in the washroom. I quickly knock on the door and ask her if she can hurry up. No response. I knock again. No response. I cautiously open the bathroom door and peek in. No one is there. ???? I make a quick trip down the hall and into the next door room to see if she decided to sneak away. Not finding anything I think to check in the bathroom. I open the bathroom door in this classroom (same bathroom, different door/room) and what do I see? There back under the sink I find her. . . fast asleep. Sigh, at last my heart starts pounding again. (this whole rush was less than a minute, but it sure seemed a lot longer than that in the moment). We walked back into the classroom and she went and finished her nap on the beanbag. :)
I love what I do! I love working with kids! Even in the nearly heart-stopping moments, they often surprise you with a smile to your heart.

Boarder Crossing

I know it's been a while, but here is what happened in detail at the boarder when I came back to Canada to finish SLI Year 2 after Christmas.

Before Christmas...

Prior to Leaving Canada in December a wise friend of mine suggested that I get a letter from the church to state what I am doing in Canada just incase I have any trouble at the boarder.  So I talked with the church and we sat down for a bit and together typed up a short letter stating what I'll be doing and all that.  I thought it was a great letter.

After Christmas...

As I was packing my stuff at my grandma's (Carol) house I was putting away the props I had gotten out of my stuff there for a little Christmas skit.  One of the props was Aragorn's crown from Lord of the Rings - collector's edition (in a case and frame and all. I wanted for some reason to take it with me to Canada.  However I debated it with myself because I couldn't find a use for it in Canada.   Normally by this point I feel the Holy Spirit telling me to leave it, however I didn't feel that this time.  Instead I felt a peace about taking it, so I packed it in my trunk.

On Saturday December 31st, I left my Grandma's house in Princeville IL and headed to Fort Wayne Indiana to spend a bit of time at the Stuckey's (more family).   I spent the night there, went to their church - it was a powerful time by the way - and then spent the afternoon with them.   I loved being with them, it was a very valuable time.   I had to be in Canada for SLI first thing in the morning on Tuesday, January 3rd, so I spent another night with the Stuckey's and left a bit before noon on that Monday.   Aunt Cindy was so kind as to pack me a lunch  (a good one too! Thanks Cindy) and I headed off on the two and a half hour trip to the boarder.  

Now it was interesting, I had spend a lot of time in prayer asking God for safe travels and no trouble at the boarder.   For the past few days I had felt that I wasn't going to make it thru, but I expected that I would make it through for I was confident that God had called me to be in SLI Year 2 in Canada.

I made it to the boarder in good time, I was able to make it there in between the noon and supper rush hours.   I payed the fee to cross the Bridge and crossed over into Canada.  At the Canadian Boarder they were a bit skeptical of my "story" and they wanted to search the car, so they had me pull over in their area and they searched the car.   I had to stand in front of my car while four men dug through most all of my stuff.  They got a good laugh our of the 15 bags of Kitchen Cooked Potato Chips that I had in my trunk (my mom had sent 10 bags up with me for Laura Baxter) and I brought 5 bags up for the SLI Class.  Though it probably wasn't too helpful for them to convince them that I was just here visiting.  Who knows.    Anyways they recorded some notes, after asking me some questions, on a slip of paper and then they sent me with my passport and the slip of paper into the Canada Customs & Immigration office.   The lady that helped me asked a lot of questions and I felt that I needed to be completely honest with them.  I told them I was going to be there until June (6 months is the max I can legally stay in Canada without a visa).  I told them I was going to be staying with family and volunteering at their church.   She went and did some work and then came back for more questions and then went and did some work and came back for more questions.   I don't know how long I was there for but I'd guess it was about a half an hour or so, maybe more.   Anyways the lady didn't seemed convinced.  She told me that she wasn't convinced that I would be returning to the States after June.   Why?  Because I didn't have a job, wasn't going to school, didn't have a mortgage or rent payments, or anything like that.  Basically I didn't have anything that was pulling me back to the US.

So she gave me a list of 10 things that I could show them to potentially prove that I was going to return to the US after my stay.   She told me that she could not let me into Canada today.  Then they gave me a document that I had to sign, saying that I would not try to re-enter Canada today.   And they sent me back to the US.

Well I thought as I was leaving Canada, "this should be a shock to me" but it wasn't.  I had felt that the Spirit was telling me I wasn't going to make it.  I had asked that God's will be done and that He give me peace for what ever happened.  I drove away from the Canadian Boarder filled with an unexplainable peace.   I didn't like what had happened, but I was okay with it, I knew that God had a plan and He was doing His will like I had asked Him to.

Well when I got to the US boarder I had to give them the document that the Canadian boarder gave me.  Almost always I find the boarder guards not too friendly.  Except for this time.  They guy in the booth that I was at was friendly and helped me out.  He asked some questions like why Canada turned me down and such and I felt I could talk freely with him.   He told me to wait and said, "well I have bad news for you.  If you get turned around at Canada you have to be searched in America."  He told me what was going to happen and told me it was really busy today and that the boarder guards should probably do a better job at keeping things flowing, but they don't.   I felt that he really sympathized with me that my trip back would be delayed because of kind of a silly rule, but that it had to happen.   So I had to wait a bit at the booth because there wasn't room in the area where you pull off.  Finally there was room and I pulled in.

The last time I had to pull off at the US boarder I parked and they immediately told me to get out and go into their office.  This time I knew that it was going to be a long wait when the guard told me to stay in my car because the office was full.   So I waited for about 10 minutes before the had me go inside.  The last time I was in this office I it wasn't completely full and I had to wait a half an hour.  I knew that I would have to wait a while this time since it was super full.   However, Praise God, I only had to wait about 5-10 minutes.  Though the room was full, I was the second or third person called up.  They asked me a question or two and let me go.   As soon as I was out of the boarder area I called a few people to tell them.  I called my Aunt Cindy in Indiana, my dad in Texas, the SLI Coordinator in Canada (though it went to his voice message), and a good friend in Canada.   I told them what happened and asked them for prayer.   Through talking with my dad and Cindy I concluded that I would head back to Indiana for the night until I can figure out what documents I can get to help me cross again.

On my way back to Indiana I was finishing the lunch Cindy had packed me.   I was thinking this trip to the boarder and back will cost me almost exactly $30 in fuel and $10 in boarder fees.  I was thinking, how am I going to pay for this, it is in no way in my budget.  As I was thinking this I reached into the my lunch and I pulled out the next thing my hand touched.  I pulled out $40????   God had put on Cindy's heart to pack $40 into my lunch.  She would of had no idea that I would need it for this, but God used her to provide for me.   Glory to God!

Well I spent the week in Indiana with the Stuckey's Praying and waiting.  I do not like waiting!   I am not a waiter.  I, I had probably one of the hardest weeks I have ever had - I would almost rather be really sick than having to wait.   It was a huge step in God's long process of teaching me patience.  It was so hard for me.  I just wanted to go drive or do something, something that would make it feel like I was doing something.   I didn't like it, though I think it was likely very beneficial training for me.

While I was "stuck" in the US at the Stuckey's house in Indiana I needed to get a number of documents.  And I wasn't sure what exactly I was going to be able to get or how I was going to get them.  However, isn't it amazing how God works, aunt Cindy has a friend who has worked in American immigration (kind of) for a decade.  And Cindy was able to set up a time to sit down and talk with her to see if she had any ideas or advice for me.   Boy was that helpful! Wow!   Cindy and I sat down with her for 20 minutes or so and the advice and information that we gained was so valuable.  She read the letter that the church in Canada had given me and told me based off the letter, it was almost proof that I wasn't coming back.   The two things I am not suppose to say when crossing the boarder are "family" & "volunteering", both of which I had said the first time.   Also she helped out on things that they want to hear about what I'll be doing and things they will freak out about if I say the wrong word.

Cindy used the new information we gained and wrote up a new letter (she's a good writer) and sent it on to the church.  The church made a few tweaks and then signed it and sent it to me.   That was one document that I needed, now what next?

I needed a bank statement, proving that I had a bank here and that I also had enough in my account to survive in Canada until June.  I had about $1,000 in my account.  Both the boarder guard who denied me entry to Canada and Cindy's friend told me that $1,000 isn't enough to survive for 6 months.  Cindy's friend recommended that I have at least $2,500 in my account if not $3,000.  So I borrowed $2,000 from my dad to put into my account.  Once I had it in my account I needed an official print-off of my statement, but I needed it soon so I could head back up to Canada.  The problem was, well a few problems:
1) My bank is in Illinois, I am in Indiana;
2) It wasn't time for a bank statements since it was only a week into the month;
3) through a huge hassle I got my bank to secure email me the December & up-to-date January statement of my account.  However I had forgot that my bank address was still down at my Texas house with my family, and not at my Illinois house with my grandma.   Why was this a problem?  Well because I got my car registration for another piece of documentation and I registered my car (and my license) in Illinois.   So when I got my emailed statement I had to call them to get my address changed to my Illinois address.   But that was a huge problem within itself since my bank said to do that I had to come in person and sign for it.  - After a long process (days) I was able to get it changed and I got the updated statement.

Now during this time my great aunt Jane had died and though I wanted to go to here funeral I had decided not to due to the fear of hassle at the boarder and just the cost to drive back and forth.  (she died before I attempted to cross into Canada the first time, I think).   However I felt peace about going back to Illinois to go to the funeral and to get some more documents while I was there.   So I left the Stuckey household Friday, January 6th at about 4am (EST).   I like driving in the morning.  I am less sleepy in the wee dark hours than the evening dark hours, and I fall asleep easier driving in the afternoon.   Cindy was kind enough to offer to pack me a breakfast/lunch again and left it in the fridge for when I left in the morning.   I drove the trip to Illinois (about 4 hours to Tremont).  I went to Tremont (where I went to middle/high school for 8+ years) for several reasons.  I figured that I could stop at my bank and get a in-person statement on a letterhead, I could stop at the dentist office and set up an appointment for when I come back as proof I'm coming back, and if I have a bit of time, stop in and talk with some of my teachers/friends at the high school.   Well when I arrived in Tremont my clock said 8:45.   I thought well I don't have time to go to the high school (which was really disappointing) since school stated at 8am.   Except it then dawned on me, I'm no longer in Eastern Time, I'm in Central Time, so it's only 7:45.  Cool! I have a bit of time to talk with some of my teachers before school starts.   Well as I was talking with them, one of my special ed teachers said, Oh, you need letters/documents with your Illinois address on it, I'll write you one right now.  So she wrote me a letter and put it in an envelope with my Illinois address on it.   Another one of my special ed teachers suggested I go to the guidance counselor and have her print off a letter on the school letter head with my transcript in it.  Genius! The guidance counselor was more than helpful and happy to help.  She printed it off and printed a stamp on it and put the school seal on the transcript just in case.   She was very helpful, praise God!   My time at the school was so much fun and full of lots of good memories.  I got to catch up with a lot of teachers and staff there and it was comforting to just be there with friends I knew and loved.   God is good.   I also had a bit more time (which I used) than I had thought, an hour more to be exact, since I realized that neither the bank or the dentist office opened until 9am.

After leaving the school I went to the dentist office only to find that they are closed Fri-Sun.  Well that idea flew out the window.   The bank wasn't too helpful either, they weren't able to print it on a good letter head for some reason.  So be it.  I have what I have.  As I was driving back to Princeville (about an hour) I made a few stops.  I stopped and set up a chiropractic appointment on June 28th (SLI ends on June 25th).  Then I went to my allergy doctor to set up my next allergy shot on June 28th as well.  However they were unable to do that because, again Praise God, June 28th just happened to be my yearly checkup.  When she printed off the details of my last checkup it said I came on June 28th 2016 and I had scheduled to come on June 28th 2017!  Wow God!

I then headed back to Princeville.  Over the course of the weekend I, along with the rest of the family, went through aunt Jane's house and stuff cleaning it out a bit.   Also being in Illinois I got to spend time with my mom, who wasn't able to make it up to Illinois over Christmas with my dad and sister.   That right there was another blessing.

Friday night was the Visitation and Saturday morning was the funeral.  My original plan was to leave right after the funeral and see if I can cross the boarder before dark.   But God told me not to, He told me to stop half way in Indiana again and drive up on Sunday.  I asked Him why and He replied with a question, "why do you want to cross today?"  I said, "because it's a backup.  If they deny me again I will have to sign a paper saying that I can't try to re-enter today.  But Sunday will be a different day, so I'll be able to try again."  But God said, "I don't want you to trust that as your backup.  I want you to trust me completely.  Go on Sunday and trust that I will get you through"   (That coming Monday was the day the school started at the church that I help at and I help a lot in the school, so it was important to me to be in Canada before that Monday).   I thought to myself that I should probably listen to God, and Thank God, He made my decision a lot easier.

On Friday I had stopped at the Princeville post office to see if I could get the two letters I had gotten in Tremont stamped with a letter stamp thingy.   They said sure and stamped them.  But they wouldn't let me take them then.  I said, I need them for tomorrow to help me get into Canada to finish this program.   But they said the stamp they put on the letter says they will process the letter.  If they don't really process the letter that would be cheating the system and they were not going to do that.   After a bit of talking we came to an agreement.  I left thinking that I heard the lady say that I'd have the letter in my mail box in the morning.  However I later found out she didn't get the "morning" part and just made sure it would be in my mail box on Saturday.  So 1:00 rolled around and still there was no mail - I was quite worried, since I had heard the post office closed at noon on Saturdays.  2:00 rolled around and still nothing.  So I drove into the post office and banged on their closed and locked door.   Only by God the Post Master just happened to be there even though they had closed at 10:30 am!!!   She wasn't to happy, but I explained the situation and all and she was willing to help me out.   She searched the place and didn't find the letters.  She figured that the letter must be with the carrier out on his rout right now.   She called the lady that I had talked with the day before and got her story and put all the pieces together.  Then she looked up on her computer where the carrier with my mail should be at, but soon realized it was the wrong carrier.  So she called the carrier and found out where he was.  She also found out from him that he'll be at least an hour or two before he makes it to my house (my grandma's house).   So she blessed me so much.  She set up a road intersection that the carrier should be at in 15 minutes and set up with the carrier to meet me there to get my mail.  She then drew me a little map on how to get there, and gave me her cell number and name incase I got lost or something.  So I drove out to the spot and sure enough the carrier met me there and gave me my two letters.  Only by the grace of God did that work out - that is not something that normally can happen.   Praise God!

So I left shortly after.  I realized that there was no way to make it to the boarder before dark now, another way of God saying wait.  So I went to Indiana and spend the night.   The next morning I left around 4am again.   On the way God told me to make a few stops.  I didn't want to stop for several reasons, 1) I wanted to get there as quick as possible, 2) I wanted to be the Detroit rush hour and 3) I had a goal to try to make it to church Sunday morning.   I really (especially) wanted to make it for worship, since I see God so much in the worship at Koinonia.  Anyways God told me to stop and go to the bathroom here and stop for fuel here, both shortly before hitting Detroit.  So I did and was non to thrilled about it.   However it was a way of God lining me up with the perfect timing for the perfect guy to help me at the boarder.  I crossed the bridge at the boarder at about 6:30 am.   They sent me into Canadian Customs and Immigration but they didn't search me (oh and I had emptied my crown out at my grandma's house - I think God wanted me to take the crown the first time so I'd be turned around.  The guards had told me that it looked like that I was taking all my personal belongings with me like I might be moving to Canada or something).  Anyways they didn't search me and the guy I handed my passport to wasn't the guy who helped me.  There was a shift change right as I got there.  They guy who I gave my passport to took it and gave it to the guy who was just coming in.   God lined it up with perfect timing.

The guard asked me a lot of questions.   I gave him all my documents which included:
- my Passport
- my car registration
- my chiropractic appointment slip
- my bank statements (totaling $3,000 in my account now)
- a bunch of things from Koinonia to show they are who they say they are.  (eg. 5 or 6 of the past weekly news cards, a volunteer program, a Christmas in Concert card and volunteer program, a life group sign up sheet and such)
- The new letter from the church
- SLI Year 1 & SLI Year 2 Application booklets (containing all the information on both)
So yeah, I gave him a folder with all that information in it and he asked a lot of questions.  I was the only one there, and for a while he was the only one there.   He poured over ever word of all the documents and all that.   He was very skeptical and I was in constant prayer.  Again I had that feeling form the Holy Spirit, except this time I felt that I would make it thru and I expected as much.   I was quite nervous, though praise God it didn't show much.  At one point the boarder guard said while looking through the SLI Year 1 application, "This says "class" and "student".  Do you have a student visa?"  I said, "no".  He ask why and I told him that I didn't need on.  After a lot of talking he told me he cannot let me in without a student visa.   I told him again I don't need one.  He said yes you do.  I said, "I respectfully disagree."  Where he then said, "I respectfully disagree with you.  You do need one."

Now normally they would stop you right there and nothing more I would of said would of helped.   However he, by the grace of God, let me explain my side and he took some time to look into it.

He didn't like that the first time I had tried crossing I had said nothing about SLI being a two year program, and this time I did.

After a long time, though to me it only seemed like 30 minutes or so, he came back with some news.  God did something, I don't know what, I am just grateful and thankful.  He asked a handful more specific questions about where I'll be staying and what I'll be doing and when I'll be leaving.  Then he stapled a piece of paper to my passport and gave me my passport.  He told me all the details on the paper and explained them to me.  He gave me a visitor's permit where I can be in Canada until June 27th.   I cannot work or go to school or anything like that.   Then he let me go and told me how to get back on to the main road.

WOW GOD!!!!

I made it out on the road at around 8:30am.  So I had been in there at the boarder for 2 hours and yet God let it only feel like a little bit, not saying that I want to do it again.   I was right on time to make it back for the 11:00 service at Koinonia.  However the main road back, the 401, had spots of bad weather mixed with bad roads and little to no visibility mixed with lots of traffic.  At one point my speed was reduced by nearly 100 k/hr.   I was still able to make it to Koinonia by the service, though i missed the worship. I arrived at the church right as the worship was ending.   I'm still happy to be here.

I had a lot of people praying for me and I felt every prayer.  Over the week of waiting I was able to sleep in better ways than I have ever been able to do for that long of time.  God's hand was on me.  There is Power in Prayer!!!!!

Also, some other cool things God did....

1. When I left to go back to the US for Christmas I knew that my budget didn't have room for the cost of fuel to get me back, but God blessed me.  He told me to go ahead and go, and while I was back two different people came up to me and gave me $60 each to cover the cost of my fuel.

2. When I decided to come back to Illinois for the funeral and to get more documents for the boarder I had another two people approach me and give me $70 each to cover the cost of my traveling.   God is Good.  All my expenses that I couldn't afford were paid for!  Praise God!

I feel so blessed.  As I was waiting in Indiana, I was about to pull my hair out since I didn't like waiting so much and I had the thought/feeling, "I am sitting here, denied entry to the country I feel God has called me to and I have to wait with nothing I can really do, and I feel so overwhelmingly blessed?!?!?! WOW!  God you are sooo Good!"

Police,Ticket, Flat Tire, More, Same night = Stress

I thought that most of the stress from the past week trying to get up here was starting to fade, but a lot of it is still there. On top of that I got pulled over tonight (for a minor honest mistake) and was ticked $110 (not in my budget) for not having my car registration on me - I had it in the folder with all the other important documents for the boarder guards, and removed it from my car since it isn't wise to keep all that stuff in a car. I didn't even think that I'd need the registration. Anyways the cop also told me that my insurance card was 3+ months out of date and since I didn't have proof of insurance I can't legally drive my car here and they will have it towed. I told the cop that I could go back to church and get the documents I needed, and she agreed to that, praise God! It was a huge scramble and I felt really bad since I had to interrupt both my dad who was at a bible study at someone's house and Bryan, who was in a meeting to get the things I needed - the cop told me that I needed to bring these documents to the police station tonight (before 3am tomorrow). It was a really stressful and rushed experience. On my return to the police station, while I was on Bridgeport road, I hit a bump - that sounded more of like a land mine, that took out my tire. I had a lot of complications with changing the tire and it took close to an hour - even with Andrew Baxter's help - thank goodness he came. After I got out of all this I just wanted to head home, but I realized I needed gas. So I stopped at a gas station only to find they didn't have any diesel. So I drove to a gas station on my way home that I knew had diesel, but when I got there they were closed, as was the next station. Now I am nearly out of fuel, and I . .. . . Anyways, I am really stressed out and I'm starting to feel like I can't see right nor think right. And the night has been filled with more frustrations.

Denied Entry To Canada

For those who haven't heard, Monday January 2, 2017 I left the Stuckey's house in Indiana (a way to break up my trip from Illinois) and heading for Canada.   However the Canadian boarder denied me entry to Canada at that point in time - for good reason on their part.  They simply didn't have enough proof that I would be returning in June after SLI.   They gave me some suggestions and such to look over and said that I can try to re-enter Canada at a later date, but I will need to have documents proving that I will be returning.  Since I don't have a job, mortgage or rent, I have a much more limited range of documents I can get.  The past couple days have been spent praying, waiting and gathering what documents I can.   At this point I am still awaiting some final documents to be mailed and/or emailed to me.

Please pray that God will use this situation to grow me and show me where He wants me.  That His love will be magnified an He will be revealed to those who don't know Him.  Please pray that God will allow the Canadian boarder guards see that I will be returning to the US after SLI in June.  I also ask for prayer that God would give me peace and comfort and understanding at whatever the outcome of the boarder officials conclude.  Please pray that I won't become anymore stressed or worried.  I have nothing to fear.  God is with me; He's got His hand on me and He is teaching me to trust Him more.  

I ask for prayer also with patience.  I do not like waiting, I want to be out doing something or seeing progress or accomplishing something.  However I've noticed a common theme over the past 6-8 months that The Holy Spirit has been teaching me: patience.  I know that it is needed in life and for the path Dad has called me on, but I don't care for it.  I would love a heart that freely accepts it and embraces it.

God Makes Me Laugh

God makes me laugh.   He takes me out at night to a Starbucks (I don't do coffee) for a couple hours mainly to tell me two words: "Build Relationships".   Yes, He did show me many smaller tools and principles and such during the time, but His main purpose, that I currently see, was to tell me two words.  The simple things that God will stretch into such strange things and times to emphasize what He's saying and to teach a multi-point lesson, just amazes me!

Sleepy Snowy Night Driving

That moment when I'm driving home and I'm tired, and God decides to wake me up (in a fun, exciting and thrilling way- that I like, after I had complained to Him that I couldn't take a risky fun way home).

So it's snowing and slick and I came to a curve, and as my car started to slide it appeared that I was just going to drift around the curve - it's dark and no other cars are around. But then my car curves a bit more and I look straight ahead off the side of the road and realized I am looking straight into a quite deep ditch/hill/drop. But my car started to turn back to the right direction, and I realized likely one of two things is about to happen; 1) I will slide right off the deep ditch or 2) I will end up perfectly on the shoulder of the wrong side of the road. It looked like I was going to make the shoulder. . . that is until one of my tires made contact with the shoulder (which apparently is and inch or two lower than the road). As soon as my wheel hit the shoulder my car made an immediate 180* turn and swung me to the other side of the road. In the end, yes, I ended up on the shoulder of my side of the road facing the wrong direction. From that point on I was WIDE Awake!

Thank you Lord for waking me up, keeping me safe and blessing me with an exciting snow thrill! Your hand is visibly on me, thank you Dad!

- Sunday December 4, 2016

A Sick Week (Literally)

Last Saturday I started "really" feeling the affects of a cold or something.   The next morning (Sunday) I knew that I needed to stay home, but due to the large quantity of commitments and the events of the day, I asked God to help me make it through the day.  He did, though by the afternoon/evening I had almost no voice and wasn't feeling to well.  So as a result I stayed home sick on Monday.  Tuesday came and I knew that I needed a second day to stay home and rest, but I also knew that I was greatly needed in the classroom at the school.  So I went to church anyways.   I was greatly needed in the classroom and was told how greatly missed and needed I was on Monday.   However, though I had gone off of sweets and stated eating many oranges daily, healing didn't come.   Wednesday, I had the great privilege to go over to Bryce and Heidi's house for dinner with the other SLI Year 2's (though Brooke had other plans and wasn't able to make it).  After dinner we all went to church for Life Groups, but I decided to head home and go to bed early to catch up on some rest in hopes to kick the sickness away.   Though it helped, it didn't completely do it.  To the point that Thursday night the cold or whatever it is that I have got a lot worse and I stayed home sick on Friday - it's so hard to be in bed all day.  Yes I slept till mid afternoon and rested for a few hours after that, but I like to be up and doing something or driving somewhere.  I don't like being stuck in bed.   Friday night I cheated on my no sugar rule for the week, and had a piece of Daniel's Birthday brownie desert.   Saturday morning I went to Healing School at the church and then stayed home most of the rest of the day to catch up on rest - I did head out once with Jim and Laura to go to Costco to get our membership.   Sunday I'm not any better.   I stayed home from church, informed the leaders that I wasn't going to make it to my serving at Sunnyside nursing home today nor Christmas in Concert Practice today.   I have spent the day resting and praying.  I hope that I can be back to good health for SLI tomorrow.   9 Days is a bit to long for such a cold.   I am trying to avoid going to a doctor mainly because I am not a Canadian Citizen and the whole trip would be out of pocket and likely quite expensive.  Yes I am a ton better now than I was this morning (contrary to how the past week has been where I've been better in the mornings and worse in the evenings), but I am still not at full health.   Still praying for complete healing and comfort from God.  .  .

Encouragement: Psalm 1-50

I will thank you, Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done.
I will be filled with joy because of you.
I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.

But the Lord reigns forever...

The Lord is king forever and ever!

The Lord's promises are pure

All the good things I have are from you [O Lord].

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.

I love you, Lord; you are my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;
my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.
He is my shield, the strength of my salvation,
and my stronghold.

Lord, you have brought light to my life;
my God, you light up my darkness.
In your strength I can crush an army;
with my God I can scale any wall.
As for God, his way is perfect.
All the Lord's promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

The law of the Lord is perfect...
The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy...
The commandments of the Lord are right...
The commands of the Lord are clear...

...there is great reward for those who obey them.

Some nations boast in their armies and weapons,
but we boast in the Lord our God.

...The unfailing love of the Most High will keep
him from stumbling.

We praise you, Lord, for all your glorious power.
With music and singing we celebrate your mighty acts.

For the Lord is king!
He rules all the nations.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I have everything I need.

Even though I walk through the dark valley of death,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.

Who is the King of glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty,
the Lord, invincible in battle.

Who is the King of glory?
The Lord Almighty-
he is the King of glory.

Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord;
point out the right road for me to follow.

All day long I put my hope in you.

I have taken a stand,
and I will  publicly praise the Lord.

The Lord reigns as king forever.
The Lord gives his people strength.
The Lord blesses them with peace.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love,
for you have seen my troubles,
and you care about the anguish of my soul.

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
saying, "You are my God!"
My future is in your hands.

Your goodness is so great!

Praise the Lord,
for he has shown me his unfailing love.

For the word of the Lord holds true,
and everything he does is worthy of our trust.

But the Lord's plans stand firm forever;
his intentions can never be shaken.

We depend of the Lord alone to save us.
Only he can help us, protecting us like a shield.

I will praise the Lord at all times.
I will constantly speak his praises.

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me,
freeing me from all my fears.
Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

He set me free from all my fears.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.
Oh, the joys of those who trust in him!

For you are the fountain of life,
the light by which we see.

Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.

It is better to be godly and have little
than to be evil and possess much.

The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord.
He delights in every detail of their lives.

Don't be impatient for the Lord to act!

I take joy in doing your will, my God,

...The Lord is great!

I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again-
my Savior and my God!

I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again-
my Savior and my God!

You are my King and my God.

God is our refuge and strength

The Lord Almighty is here among us...

For the Lord Most Hight is awesome.
He is the great king of all the earth.

How great is the Lord,

For that is what God is like.
He is our God forever and ever.
and he will be our guide until we die.

"Trust me in your times of trouble,
and I will rescue you,
and you will give me glory."



- A List of verses that have stuck out to me over the years from the first 50 chapters of Psalms'.

The Past Week At A Glance

This past week,

Monday night, October 31st: Koinonia had it's Bright Light's Night: Under the Sea! A night full of family fun games and fun, worship and skits, and of course, loads of candy!  That was a ton of fun.

Wednesday night, November 2nd: The start of nearly nonstop business.  It was life groups and I'm in How to receive your miracle.  It's very powerful, and God has been speaking volumes to me through it.  He is very visibly there every night.

Thursday Morning, November 3rd: 7:30am, I was among the 10 Koinonia Christian Academy Staff (minus 1) to leave for a 1-2 hour drive for an ACSI conference (for Christian Schools).  It was a fun day, and though I did feel out of place, I learned a lot.

Friday Morning, November 4th: 7:45am, I met the KCA's principal at his house and rode with him, again, to the conference for the second day (the rest of the teachers, minus one who could only attend one day, stayed overnight in a hotel).  Again the day was awesome and powerful.  Throughout the whole conference I learned a lot about how to work with kids in general and with kids with learning disabilities and their parents.  Through that I also learned a lot about myself as I grew up with learning disabilities, and how I can relate what I know about myself, to those who I am teaching.  One thing that really stuck out to me was one of the speakers, from America, brought up Chick-fil-A.  He said, "see your students and parents as Chick-fil-A sees their customers."  Most people, didn't fully understand it (I don't think) since there are no Chick-fil-A's up here.   However, It really stuck out to me, and struck home since I knew clearly what he was talking about.  Chick-fil-A see's their customers as valuable human beings; as someone who is worth something great; as someone who they would love to serve; as someone they can work with; and so much more.  

Friday afternoon, November 3rd: Dave (KCA Principal) and I left early from the conference (half way through the day) in order to make it back to Koinonia's mens Conference on good time.

Friday evening/night, November 3rd & Saturday all day, November 4th:  Koinonia's Mens conference, Valiant: Relentless, started.  It was filled with everything guys love, from food to intense teaching to RC racing, to axe throwing to blitz chess to video gaming, to garage band, to changing tires to so much more.   It was a loaded experience filled with great fellowship and worship.  

Text To Speach

As I'm closing the longest stretch, since starting my blog, of not posting anything, I'd like to explain a little.  Along with the fact that the past few weeks have been getting busier and busier, I have also been blessed to hear more and more from God.  I would love to share all my experiences, but I have decided not to post them on my blog.  As I have been expectantly seeking God, He has revealed Himself to me in numerous ways and has spoken many words directly into my life.  However, since the quantity of these experiences is so high, it would literally take me multiple days, non-stop typing to post them all.  Over the past few weeks this thought became more and more overwhelming, and in turn I never posted any of them.  So I have decided not to post them.  I would love to share them in person (verbally) if you would like to hear them, but I won't have the time or capacity (at this time) to post them all here on my blog.  

Rest & Healing At God's House

Friday morning when I got up, I knew that I was coming down with a cold or something again.  I did not feel that great, however, I felt good enough to go to church and serve in Kindergarten.   Though, I told myself, that this weekend I would rest.  

Saturday morning, I really felt like God was saying that this is going to be a weekend of healing, not just for me but for a lot of people.  I was feeling a lot worse, but I knew a bunch of people who were really sick as well.   So I asked my Facebook community to join me in prayer that this would be a weekend of healing.   I then returned to bed to get some rest.  

I woke up between 3:00-3:30pm on Saturday, more than 18 hours of rest, 17 of them I was asleep!   None the less I started my day at 3:30pm.   I ate, and then went and worked on reading my book and writing my book report.   It was a very productive day.  

Saturday night finally came and I didn't know if I'd be able to sleep.  I still wanted to be at church for 7:00am for my meeting with God, but I was worried I would show up low on sleep.   So in attempt to try to go to bed more tired, I stayed up till 9:00pm (I try to go to bed around 8:00pm) and then went to bed.  Well 10:00pm rolled around and though I was super tired and wanted to fall right to sleep, I couldn't sleep - likely because I got up at 3:30 that afternoon.   Then I heard that little whisper in my head telling me to go to the church again.  I wrestled with this for a bit, for I had been thinking about it and was replaying the words God spoke to me last time He asked me this.  I was un for sure this time if I was hearing God, or hearing my head replay God's voice from the previous time.  Finally God told me straight out that this was Him again, and I was to go to church again.  With warning and memory from last time, I prepared a bit more.   I got out of bed, showered, put warm clothes on top of my Sunday outfit and brought several blankets.   Then I headed out the door for the church parking lot, nearly 30 minutes away.  God told me that I would find rest and healing at His house, and that I did.  I had a beautiful sleep, wonderful actually.  It was gorgeous! Even though I only got 6 or 6.5 hours of sleep (where I try to get 8-9 hours every night) I felt well rested when I awoke.  I stayed warm all night and slept amazingly.

Praise and Glory be to God!!!!

An Ant Walking Through A Room

During Life Groups this past Wednesday God spent a good time talking to me:

I looked down and I saw a tiny ant walking on the carpet towards my shoe.  I squished it, but God used something as small as a (now dead) ant to speak volumes to me.

I saw the floor, the carpet, as life.   The stands of the material make little hills and valleys in life, but in general, it's "flat," though for the ant it's so much bigger.  But the room isn't empty, it's full of people, chairs, carts, tables, etc...

I am the ant, as I walk life I will run into shoes or chair legs, seemingly huge obstacles.  I so easily try to avoid dealing with them and will make a huge, too long of a trip, to go around the shoe instead of learning to climb over it and continue (the shortest path).  If/when I go around I will still run into obstacles, but they will be bigger and more overwhelming and challenging because I never learned how to climb over the smaller ones.   But if/when I walk through the fire and work through the pain and trial and climb over the shoe, it will be easier to climb the next, bigger obstacle.  It will be easier to build  upon the trust I built with God on the smaller obstacles.  

If I allow them to; if I approach obstacles with fear; if I live in fear, obstacles will squish me.

Canada Thanksgiving Day

Monday October 10, 2016 was Canada's Thanksgiving Day.  The previous day, some of Jim's family had come over for a thanksgiving meal (lunch).   On Monday though, I decided to go for a drive.   I felt like the Holy Spirit was prompting me to do so, and I love driving.  I didn't know where I was going, but I just drove and turned where He told me to turn.   I got to spend nearly the entire time praying and worshiping.   I have a stack of prayer cards that exceeds 170 prayer requests and I got to go through them and pray for them.  For each request I spend anywhere from 1-5 or 10 minutes praying, just depending how the Spirit leads me.   I first pray for the specific request in english, then I spend a good portion of the time praying in Spirit for them and their request.   I was blessed to have plenty of time to pray alone with God.  I was on the road for more than 4 hours, and I drove more than 200 miles.   It was a blast and I truly had a ton of fun!  

The next day I did something similar on the way home from church.  Except I only drove 70-100 miles.   The time I have alone with God to pray for others is a HUGE blessing.   I find rest in it, I find hope in it and I find joy in it.   I've been hearing tons of prayer requests and I am starting to hear tons of praise reports!   Here is an example that just..... just..... GOD!    Someone asked me to pray that they could sell something that was going to be really hard to sell.  As I was praying, the Spirit spoke through me praying that the thing would be sold that day.  Later when I asked this person, they told me that that day someone had randomly came up and asked if they could look at the item (when they guy wasn't even trying to sell it yet) and they bought the item the next day!  Praise and Glory to God!  Only God!  

What's Going On Right Now

It feels so weird right now. So many things are changing, so many things are just different here. My head hasn't quite grasped them all yet. So much is going on, I just don't know how to comprehend it all!

First off, tonight the temperature is suppose to drop below freezing, and then by Wednesday it's suppose to jump up to 20C/70F. Such strangeness.

Second, and largely right now, It's Thanksgiving up here!?!?!? No, Thanksgiving isn't until mid November, at least. Nope, not up here in Canada. Monday October 10th 2016 is Thanksgiving Day (in Canada). I...... I don't quite have words to understand it or grasp it, but it's real and happening...... Again, strange, not what I'm use to.

Thirdly, as many people have asked me how I'm liking SLI 2, I can say I love it! 10 months ago, and friends, classmates and teachers can confirm this, I was like, "no" when it came to me being with kids. I said, "I'm not good with kids, I'm not comfortable with dealing with that. . . no" And what do you know, God changed my heart and showed me a true Gift of mine. I now spend 4-6 hours a day with kids, I am now a kindergartener assistant at a school. And the strangest thing is, I LOVE IT! Praise God! He is so Good!

Fourth, I thought that with volunteering and being at the church 50+ hours a week, I wouldn't have much time to spend with God.   Boy was I wrong.   Now when I think I have less time, I have found I have more time.   I have found that I now value His voice more and am willing to make time.  Last year, when I had plenty of time, I maybe had a half an hour or 40 minutes (including the 30 devotions time set aside in SLI).  Now SLI 2 doesn't have any time set aside for that, and easily get to spend 2-4 hours a day with him, easily.     

Fifth, Now that I get to spend more time with God and seek Him more, He's answering many of my questions and seekings.  As I Listen to Him more, He speaks to me more.   I asked Him to take me to different places for His glory, and is sure doing that.  I asked Him to show me how to pray, He is doing that, and has done that.  I asked Him (after being challenged by Him and a leader) to show me what He wants me to see in a book I'm reading, and He did --- PLUS He showed me the answers to a number of other questions because I was seeking to hear Him in that book.  And through it all He's started a ministry of prayer in me that He's asked me to continue, and it lines right up with the callings that He has placed on my life.  God is Sooo Good to me!   Praise be to God!  

Prayer: There Is Power In Prayer

As I've been reading my book for SLI, Season's of Intercession by Frank Damazio, I got a little bored by it.  In fact I really, really didn't like the book, it seemed dry. And I told this to Bryce but he challenged me to look at the book with a different perspective.  Shortly after that, God challenged me to look at the book with a different perspective and to read the book expecting for God to speak to me through it.  Boy, oh boy, did that work.  I started reading it expecting to hear from God, and oh did I.  He really challenged me in the area of prayer. This is an area I've been asking God about for a while, "God teach me how to pray, for all my prayers feel like I'm saying the same thing over and over again."  And did He ever, but only through other people, ironically.

I was praying for someone else that He had put on my heart, and He got me really excited about praying for them.  It gave me a lot of energy and excitement.  He put the idea in my hear to ask all my Facebook friends if there was anything I could pray for them for.  And then pray for them.  I was quite pumped about this idea.  But I thought that I would sleep on the thought before acting on it, just incase it was another one of those impulse things that doesn't last.

In the morning, I had the same excitement, so I began by asking everyone of my Facebook friends that were online at the moment, how I could pray for them.  That gave me something to pray about on my way to church.  Since then, I've been checking Facebook at different times of the day and asking every new friend that is online at the moment how I can pray for them.  Only a portion of the people actually reply, but the ones that do I have the privilege to pray for.  I have a growing list of 50-100 people I'm praying for right now, just from the Facebook responses.

Some people ask me why I asked them, or what I'm doing and I Happily tell them, "I believe strongly int he power of prayer, and I would love to able to use that power (that the Holy Spirit has given me) to pray for you."

I've had a number of people open up with personal things (which I will not share) and some who have very specific prayer requests. I like these the best because it can show that the person is willing to open up to have this powerful prayer used in their lives.  Others just ask for the general prayer or something not too specific, which is okay too.  Prayer is powerful either way.

I have a growing list of note cards that I keep with me and every time I get a new prayer request, I put it on the blank, white side of a card, and add it to the pile.  Depending on the request, each card holds 1-5 different prayer requests.  Then when I have a bit of spare time or I am driving, I will just read the next request on the top card and pray, both in english and in Spirit.  I find it kind of humorous that Facebook has threatened me several times to restrict me from using Facebook Messaging because I've been using it so often and rapidly.

There is tremendous amount of power in prayer! I thoroughly believe that!  If you have any prayer request let me know and I would love to pray for you! Either comment or FB me or send me an email (joshua.baurer@gmail.com).  I would love to pray for you.

I love hearing the results of prayer too.  For example a friend asked me to pray that she would get a job at a job interview.  Right after the interview, she thanked me for the prayers, for she got the job.   I've also had some great encouragement that God is using me in more ways that I can see.  I asked a certain guy on Facebook if I could pray for him (a guy in my class in High School) and he said that he is an atheist, but he thinks that my prayers will help the people in Florida, Haiti and other's affected by the hurricane.  I replied and told him that I would be praying and shared a little word from God, that God had shared with me for him.  He replied back, saying, "You have always impressed me as someone who truly practices what he preaches.  You follow the teachings of Christ well, and for that I respect you regardless of my own personal beliefs."  That right there is so encouraging.  God is moving behind the scenes and is using me in His work.  Praise and Glory be to God!

Listening, Driving, Praying & Doing

God is so good!   As I was pulling out to the church parking lot last night for the weekend, I felt God telling me to stop and go back into the parking lot and wait a bit.  He's done this a number of times, but He never tells me why until I obey him (a good life lesson right there).  So i turned back and parked, and as soon as I did, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I forgot my notebook in my office.  I've noticed that the Holy Spirit never lets me leave church without reminding me to get my notebook (when I forget it), for when God speaks to me, I immediately write it in my notebook.

Once I had my notebook, I had peace about driving away then.  God directed me to take some different routs on the way home.  He gave me plenty of prayer time and told me where to go as I prayed and drove.  He at one point took me to DCSS (Discipleship Christian Secondary School; a small christian high school).  At first I wasn't for sure why He had me go there.  as I was pulling in the parking lot, I had the image of myself praying in front of the front doors, I immediately replied, "oh no God, I'm staying in my car.  I'm not going to get out and pray in front of the school and make myself look ridiculous and embarrass myself. I'll stay in the car to pray though."  God calmly replied with a smile, "whom shall you fear?  Fear not for I am with you."   So as I pulled in, I said the same thing to God as I drove past and I saw a picture of myself parked right up front in the middle by the doors.  I told God I'll park off to the side further from the middle and the lights and people's sights.  But God gave me the same reply and what do you know, I parked right in the middle, up front, right in front of the doors - in plain view of any eye looking at the parking lot.

As I got out of the car, God instructed me to walk the parking lot, up and down the rows, across every parking spot and pray in the Spirit.  So I did.  Then He had me walk around the building (which wasn't lit all the way around).  The whole time I was here, He had me pray in the spirit, for He said that darkness was trying to (or was going to try to, or had) penetrate this place, and He wanted someone to pray it away; to bring the power of the spirit into the situation so that that place would be a light in the darkness.  He had me walk on the porch and on the sidewalks and hold each door handle while praying.  He had me walk all the parking lot aisles and back and forth over and over again at the entrance of the parking lot.   I met two people while praying and I asked them if I could pray for them, but they both said no.

As I was pulling out, God told me to drive down and back the street ahead of me 10 times praying in the spirit (down and back was one time).  So I did.  By the seventh or so time, a guy (who I had asked if I could pray for him earlier, who lived on the street and had been watching me) walked out and asked me what on earth am I doing (he didn't seem too happy).  I simply told him I was praying, and that seemed to satisfy him.  I again asked if I could pray for him for anything, and he said, "no I'll go to church on Sunday."  So I pray that God will work in his life at church on Sunday.

In all the 20-30 minute drive home from church took me about 90-100 minutes.  It was well worth it. I had some great time in prayer, and got to drive a lot.   God is so Good!

Fusion

Friday night was Fusion, Twenty20 (college age group) + Impact (high school age).  We met at church at 7:00 pm and had a great time of fellowship, mini games (jumbo Janga, fooseball, and much more) and more.  Then we went into the Impact Center for a blast-of-a time of Worship.  It was super powerful.  God continue to really challenge me on trusting Him FULLY.  To let Him have everything, and to take it all.

After worship we headed to the lounges and received instructions and got into groups for our upcoming game.  We had a half an hour to roam the whole church (in the dark) on the hunt for 12 different people hidden within the church.  Some of them had challenges for us to do, other's didn't.  We had to get a different symbol from each one.  It was called the Amazing Hunt.  

The whole night was a blast - out team of 6 only found 6 or the 12 people that were hidden.  between the 10-20 teams some of the hidden people didn't even get found.  Some were well hidden.  It was a ton of fun!  And great!  God is good!

Turn Right

Every morning on my way to church I always have a number of options on what path I can take to church.  I always try to remember to ask God what path He wants me to take.  "do I go straight lord, or do I turn left?"   Sometimes He will tell me to take a different path, even when I forget to ask.  I've known about 4 or 5 different ways I can go to church each morning.  Well, at several different 4-way intersections I can go straight or turn left.  For the past few weeks I've had this voice in my head saying, "turn right."  I always ignore it because that is silly and makes no sense.  I cant' get to church by turning right, at least not in decent time.  

Friday, it was a beautiful morning, and I knew that if I took the 'turn left' option I would be privileged to see some spectacular views of God's creation.  Once again that urge came, turn right.  This time it was a little stronger.  I protested in saying, "I don't want to miss such beautiful views this morning, they won't last for ever." But with the stronger prompting I turned right, saying "I don't know where this road leads, but I'm trusting you for direction God."   And He gave me directions, "go straight here...take the next left....turn right...." etc...  just one road at a time.  Yes it took a lot longer, but I have to say, 'God, you know what you are doing.  The views and sights of His nature on that morning in that new area, were breathtaking.  It was so gorgeous.  And I would of never seen it had I not listened to God.  He told me that this is How I am suppose to trust Him.

It was well worth the extra time.

Hillsong: Let Hope Rise

I just watched Hillsong: Let Hope Rise (movie).  It's an awesome thing!   It's a whole new genre, a theater version of a Worship Experience! And I have to say WOW!  Multiple times while watching it, I thought, "I would rate this movie a 10 out of a 10."  And so I will, I give Hillsong: Let Hope Rise a 10 out of 10 as far as movie ratings.  ----> I don't believe that I have given a movie a ten before.  the Lord of the Rings' and The Hobbit's were 9's or 9.5's, but I don't think I've given a movie a ten before!  God is Glorified all throughout this movie!

2016 Election Ballot

I've been a bit burdened lately. Monday I received my Official Election Ballot in the mail.  I signed up for the Voting by mail while in a different country.  I just feel a heavy weight on me as I have the ability to vote for who will lead our country next, and who will lead different areas of leadership within in the nation and all.  I ask for prayer and peace and wisdom as I get to vote for the United States 2016 Presidential (and local) Elections.

A View From the Eyes of God

A week or so ago, on my way home from church, I decided to take a drive through another town, Hawksville.  As I was driving many of the streets there (I drive these streets from time to time) I once again saw a cemetery, as I have seen many times before.  I've always wanted to stop and go through the cemetery for fun, because it interests me, but I've never had the time to do so.  However, this time I had the time and I really felt the peace of God saying that I should.  So I started walking around the older tombstones, fascinated by many of them.  But as I was making my way across the property, I suddenly felt the Spirit of God on me in a heavy way.  I looked around and saw families standing over old and new tombstones crying, I saw glimpses of many funeral burials and funeral processions.  I saw many people, some broken, some sad, some just there because they felt obligated to be there.  I saw the before and after of the burial.  I saw people coming after the funeral to visit the place of burial.  I saw families coming and going.  Then I saw a spiritual view of it all; people who were sad that they lost a loved one, yet rejoicing for the joy they had in Jesus; people who were sad and broken, yet confused by the idea they the dead person was saved by Christ; and people who were sad and broken, and were crushed and torn away, rotting and shaking in their Spiritual lifeless bodies.

I saw the hopes of people.  I saw that some saw a graveyard as a place to come morn for the dead and to live in the past, whereas others came to remember and respect their elders, but then leave and live in the present.  I saw the cemetery being "built" and sections being added on.  I saw the stages of life in this world; I saw the life that no one knew was in there.  I saw the gravestones and the peoples spirits that were once in those bodies.  I saw brokenness, lifelessness and pain.  I saw hurting, confusion and un-earthly feelings.  But then I saw others, other's tombs and saw their joy and peace, for they were with Christ, and had a personal relationship with Him.  I saw those who had a relationship with Him, and those who actively pursued a growing, deepening relationship with Him.  In those I saw great joy and love.  But the tombs of joy were numbered few.   Most were hurting and lost.  Most were lifeless and crying out, crying out for someone to help them, to take them from their agony.  I saw the pain and brokenness of those who were buried here and those who have visited here.

I read the words of the different stones and saw meaning and intentions behind them.  Most were typical phrases that were placed out of the "hope" that their loved one was in a better place or that they were something here on earth.  Yet a small few were rooted in true life and joy.  Some who saw the meaning of the loved one's life here, and yet saw the so much greater life they had ahead of them.  The Holy Spirit showed me those who were saved and those who were not.

I was overcome by the immense brokenness in that place.  I saw so much brokenness.  I saw so many lost, who did not hear the love of Christ.  Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me telling me, "don't let my children die not knowing me.  Bring them to my love, show them me.   Don't let anymore of my children go to the grave not knowing me."  - A continuation of previous words He has spoken to me.  He told me to lead his people out of darkness, to lead them in His light to Him.  That I was chosen to be one of His vessels.

The whole time it was saddening and glorious at the same time.  There was life and lostness at the same time.  Love and death.  Pace and pain.  Confusion and laughter.  Crying and jumping.

Then I came to a tree, a big, old tree in the cemetery.  I saw it as Christ.  His is rooted here and reaches out His branches to cover us, but not everyone comes under the covering.  And some that do come under the covering do no know Him.

At one point I was standing in the very back of the cemetery and I saw a man walking His dog around the path.  I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to go ask him if I could pray for him.  I procrastinated.  As he was walking a bit closer to me, I started walking toward him, but the way it worked out was, it seemed, that he saw me as following him.  I was standing in the back until he came up and them I am following him???? - that seems a bit suspicious.  His pace seemed to quicken and he eyed me often.  So I made my path angle a bit towards my car.  He then left the cemetery and I missed my chance to talk to him - all because I procrastinated.  

After a bit, I was again asking for forgiveness for not obeying God right away, and he told me to turn left out of the cemetery, so I drove left.  Then he kept having me make right turns - the whole time I'm looking for that guy, to see If I can still talk to him - there was no sign of him.  After several right turns I was facing the cemetery again and I saw a lady doing some work on the greenery outside her house and I thought to stop and ask her If I can pray for her.  As I was pulling up, she was finishing up and heading in, but I stopped just in time and had a good chat with her.

  

A Night With God, At His House - In my Car

The twelve hours from Saturday evening to Sunday Morning were so strange.  Saturday night I went to bed at 8:00 pm (as I've been doing lately), excited that I could get nearly 10 hours of sleep and still make it for my 7:00 am appointment at the church.  As I've been doing lately also is playing Good, Good Father on a cycle of 7 times, and before I normally get through the 2nd or 3rd time, I am asleep.  Well this time was different.  I went through all 7. . .  and then I went through all 7 again.  Being still tired and asking God to give me sleep, I went back to what I use to do, a playlist of 22 different worship songs.  That didn't work either - a few songs into it I kept getting the thought to try what my dad had suggested, play a sermon podcast.  So I started one, but soon said to myself, "this won't work." I went back and was about to change to a worship song, when Pastor Robert Morris (from Gateway Church) on the podcast stated his title of the sermon.  It caught my attention so much, I said, "I want to hear this." So I left the podcast playing, hopping that I would fall asleep partway through it.  Well, half way through it, I didn't want to fall asleep until I finished the podcast.   At the end of the podcast, God started to speak to me about what pastor Robert Morris was saying.   When it was over, I played a worship song.  I was still really tired, but I just couldn't fall asleep.  It was nearly 10:00 pm now.

I suddenly felt a feeling saying, "go to church."  Strange.... I tried to ignore it but it kept returning. I kept saying, "this is a crazy idea my mind has come up with that I'm trying to decide if it's God or not!?"  This is crazy. (Side Note: I've been really working with God lately to learn how to tell the difference be the voice in my head and God's voice, and He's been testing me with it a lot).  Finally, I said, "God if this is you let me know, but this is crazy."  He replied, "Go to church, I will meet you there."  I'm like, "well technically, your everywhere."  "I will meet you at church." He replied.  I said again, "this seems foolish, it is just silly."  I was immediately reminded of a direct word from God earlier this year, "It may seem silly, but I said to do it."  So I got up and as I was told to, put on some warm clothing, (and packed a few extra jackets just in case) and packed a pillow and left (all the while trying to confirm with God if I was doing the right thing).  I had peace the whole time.  The way to church, God really spoke to me - His presence was very present in the car there.

When I got to church I parked where He told me to and I just felt that I would be spending the night there.  So I laid my seat back and got out my pillow.  As I was laying back, I asked God, "So why am I really here?"  His reply came right away, "Because you heard my voice.  I said I would meet you here and you came."  He continued with, "You will find rest in my voice, you will find rest in my presence."  Shortly after I fell asleep - after more than 2 hours of trying everything I've ever done to fall asleep, I followed God's seemingly crazy voice, and I fall asleep just like that.  Praise God!

No, I didn't have the best night, but my sleep was Wonderful.  Yes, I woke up who know how many times because of both my position and being really cold, but each little snippet of sleep, was wonderful.  In the morning I was well rested.  God said He would give me rest, and He did.  God is Good All the Time!

I woke up to my alarm around 4:45 am.  I then asked God, should I head home to shower, shave, comb my hair and brush my teeth and eat now, or should I sleep another 2 hours, miss our appointment, and go to McDonald's and pick up a comb, hair gel, toothbrush and toothpaste at Walmart?  He told me to do the latter.  So I got a lot more sleep - though When I woke to my alarm, I really had to use the bathroom.  When He told me to sleep, I said, God if you want me to sleep, you can hold my bladder until I get to a bathroom - and He did.  He's soo Good!

Sadly Ture, Time to Change

Picture yourself in the following situation.  As you pull into your driveway and get out of your car, you see movement inside your house.  Your family is with you in the car, so you know thieves are breaking into your house!  You run to the neighbor's house and call the police.  Anxiously you wait, hoping they arrive before the thieves leave with your valuables.  Down the street you hear the sirens.  Police cars screech to a halt in front of your house.  Officers jump out of their cars and run to the curb, where they line up and begin to sing.  Sing?

You listen closely.  They are singing about how they have the authority to stop the robbers and how they can regain your possessions.  Meanwhile the thieves rob you blind. *

This is often a picture of the Church today.  We sing about attacking the enemy, we talk about it, preach about ti, but we do not actually do it.

We must put action behind our words and intentions-we must attack the enemy!


*Dean Sherman
- Frank Damazio, Seasons of Intercession

Home Sick

Thursday Morning:

The last few days I've had symptoms of a cold, but I've ignored them.  It thought it was something small and that it would go away.  I was wrong. I woke up this morning feeling miserable.  I debated staying home, and concluded on praying about it.  Every time I prayed, I heard God speak the words that He spoke to me this past weekend, "Rest."  I was like, "yes I know I should rest, but should I stay home or not today.  It would be a bad day to stay home from church. I have aftercare and during the 4 hours of Kindergarten assistance we happen to have 6 more kids visiting the class.  But I felt God saying that he wanted me to stay home and rest.  I thought, okay, well this will give me time to catch up on reading my SLI book and updating my blog - which I am really behind on where I would like to be.  Plus it will give me an extended time with God today.

Well these thoughts quickly disappeared when I remembered that last night I had decided to leave my bible, book and laptop at church to prevent any distractions going to bed last night.  drat.   Well, ... hmm ... this put a little hiccup in my plan.  In the end, I drove to church at a little after 7:00am and retrieved my book, bible and laptop and returned home.  When I got home, I went straight to bed (around 7:40-7:50am).  When I woke up I figured that it was late morning, but I had a good sleep.  I rolled over and looked at the time and WOW, it was 2:40pm.  I got some good rest, praise God!

Trust - Words From God

Wednesday night: Life Groups (Week #1); How to Find your Miracle: 

During Life Groups, I was taking notes and I noticed as Dot (on of the teachers) was reading John 5:30, an underlined area (that I had underlined long ago), "...I do nothing without consulting the Father."  That section just slammed min really hard and went back to the verse, "pray about everything."  God was just telling me that I need to talk to Him about Everything.

Then I felt the Holy Spirit pressing on me that I am fearing something.  So I cried out, "Lord what am I fearing?"  He replied that I am fearing by belief of inability to tell between His voice and my head.  That is so true and I was in tears. I had never thought about that as a fear before.  But God put it into words for me, thank you Lord!  He told me that if I listen I will know His voice.  If I dig intoHim, If I read His word, I fi seek Him, He will teach me His voice.  The more time I spend with Him, I will learn to know His voice better.

Bryan (another leader) came over and talked to me (and blessed me by bringing over a box of Kleenexes) and prayed with me.  His words were from God.  God spoke to me that His words are true.  That truth is pouring into me.  I need to dwell in the truth.

Through Bryan, God also spoke, I am a child of God.  He will teach me and speak with me.  The lies in me are flow ing out and God's truth is flowing in.  He is speaking to me.

As I was leaving church, I decided to leave everything at church so that I wouldn't have any distractions of going to bed when I got home.  But I felt God trying to say something to me.  I sat out in my car for a while and finally realized that God wanted to speak to me but knew that I would forget it if I didn't write it down.  He wanted me to go back into my office in the church and grab my notebook.  So I did.

On my drive home from church, I really had a strong feeling that God wanted to speak to me.  So I din't put any music on and I just prayed and reflected on the evenings events.  He told me what turns to make, taking me a different way home.  At one point he had me turn onto a road which would lead me to a gravel/dirt road.  I reminded Him that I don't like, nor do I feel comfortable, driving on gravel/dirt roads at night.  He responded with, "I want you to do it so you will know that there will be things that you don't wan to do, things that feel unsafe, but I tell you to do." He is with me and has a plan.

As I was doing it, I thought to myself, "I'll just drive slow, God didn't say I had to go full speed, I don't have to go 80." God heard my thoughts and said to me, "I want you to drive 80 on the gravel road."  At one point, He told me to let go of the wheel and let Him drive (while driving 80 on a gravel road at night).  Every time I did let go, the car would go towards the ditch and I would reach out and grab the wheel again. Further down the road,  I was able to let go for a bit longer, but God said, "You slowed down..."

All this to tell/show me the true depth of my trust in Him. . .

God's Words to my Life

Saturday afternoon; Encounter:

During a breakout session of quite time with God (60 minutes) I wasn't awake the whole time. During my sleep, God gave me a vision of something like an analogy or something.  He showed me a kids puzzle of shapes.  He said, "don't put the circle where the square goes and don't put the square where the circle goes. If they would fit in that slot they would have to be forced and they  would only be temporary fro that is not where they were intended to be.  Once they are in the right place they will be permanent and solid, for that is where they were intended to be."

I had no idea what this was suppose to mean.  After this period of time alone with God, was a time of prayer and worship.  I finally felt God prompting me to go ask one of the facilitators to pray over me that I may know what this means.  So I did.  As the facilitator's were praying, God told me that the puzzle pieces were gifts I have that He is yet to show me.  But I am not to get them mixed up with Gifts I think I have now.  

God has a plan for me.  He has a great things in store for my life and here within the house (Koinonia; God's church).

During the time I was balling my eyes out from the words that God was speaking to me while the facilitators were praying over me, God gave a word to one of the facilitators and he spoke it to me, though he did say that he doesn't know what is going on in my life, nor what I am going through, but he felt God telling him to tell me this: "Rest! There are things you have been praying about.  God says that He will work and is working.  He will do them, show them, reveal them in His own timing.  You can wait and rest! Rest!"

This really hit me hard, for there have been a number of things that this spoke right into. One being my visa.  Canada has told me that I am not eligible to apply for an application right now, and that has really got me worried deep down.  But the words that God spoke to me reminded me of words He spoke to me months ago, "Wait, for I am with you.  I will protect and provide. Wait."  God is soo Good!

Another facilitator felt that God was speaking to him other words I need to hear. He told me that when I pray for wisdom (which I do so, oh so often) I should hold my hands out together, like in a bowl, so that God may pour His wisdom into my bowl.

He also spoke to me concerning what He had told me the previous night.  About what I still needed to let go of in my heart.   He said, "Joshua, give me the wheel (of your heart/life).  I don't want to be the passenger give you directions.  I want to drive.  Give me the wheel."

Encounter with God

Friday night; Encounter:

 As I was worshiping I felt and extreme excitement and (un-natural) energy for worship.  God spoke to me there. There was a line in one of the songs:

What can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you

Those last two lines really struck me.  I had my hands on my heart during this song - gripped quite tightly.  The first time we hit this verse, at those last two lines, I started to remove my hands from my heart in showing and representing that I'm offering my heart completely to God.  However, what surprised me was I stopped my hands, in saying to God, 'I want my heart.'  God really challenged me through this and really worked with me.  Finally I released my hands from my heart crying out to God, "Take my heart".  But I still felt Him saying, "release your heart fully to me." I tried everything that I knew how to give it to him, but nothing seemed to work.

At one time I couldn't stand and I fell to my knees and worshiped, cried out, praised and prayed.  God helped me, at that point, open my heart to Him more and He told me that is what he'll be doing this weekend.  When I fell  to my knees, I could not stop breathing deeply - which made me light headed.  I felt faint, and that I was exhaling my selfish life and my heart to God and breathing in His life.

(The worship session had ended and everyone was back in there seats at this point, but I felt that God was still speaking to me so I stayed were I was on the floor, next to my seat and off to the side).

The position I was sitting in, on my knees and feet, it made my feet start to fall asleep (a not too comfortable feeling in this position), but I felt I needed to stay in my position, so I did.  My hands dangled at my side, shaking, circling and out of my control.  At one point my hands, tingly and lack of feeling (in the realm of touch), were pulled backwards strongly.  So I let them go until God spoke to me saying, regarding my path ahead of me as a pastor, "you may feel like you are being pulled backwards but you will walk forwards."  Then He twisted my hands and pulled them closer together behind me, saying, "and you may feel that your hands are tied/trapped and caught, but you will continue building my church."

Then I was pulled downward and He said, "you may fall, but you will get up." And I suddenly felt my laniard became really heavy around my neck and He said, "Things will pull you down, but I will hold you up."  I felt lots of pain in my feet and he said, "life will have lots of pain, but keep going for I am with you and will protect you." I couldn't move my feet nor my legs and he said, "you may feel you cannot move, but you will move, you will go forward."  "you may feel alone, but I am with you."  "You will never be alone."  As I was being pulled further downward, I tried to hold myself up with my arms, but God said, "Don't. Let go.  I will hold you up, trust me."  "My love is sufficient."

I felt pain in my feet like crazy from my body weight cutting off the blood circulation, and and I started to move, to shift positions to get blood flowing again, but God said, "Don't." He told me to only move when He says to.  I may be in a position or situation where I know if I shift positions or move I will  have less pain, but I AM TO WAIT! God will tell me when I can move.  If I do it in my own time, it will be worse.  God's got a plan and he will help me and heal me - IN HIS OWN TIMING!  He will give me courage and strength.

After a long time when I finally fell to my side (for I couldn't move my legs or feet), I realized that it was about 40 minutes before I could move my legs and feet again.  There was lots of pain too as the blood flowed back into that part of my body again.  (As with almost every time the Holy Spirt takes me over like this, my feet become unearthly heavy afterwards for a period of time).

Encounter

This past weekend I attended Encounter at Koinonia.  Encounter is a time Friday evening and All day Saturday at the church set aside to Encounter God.  You sit under powerful teachings, in environments that tune your heart to hear God and Spirit-moving Worship services and Prayer Times.  The next few posts will consist of some of the powerful notes God has spoken to me through this weekend experience.

The funny thing is I wasn't planning on attending Encounter.   Not only that, I didn't realize that it was last weekend.  I had thought it was a month or so from now, when all of a sudden all last week, people are talking about Encounter and I found out that it was last weekend.  I figured, yes I would like to go to it, but it's kinda late and I can't really afford it.  It was $40, and I didn't have room for that in my budget.  Come Wednesday, less than 2 day prior to the event, I got an email sent out to all church staff informing us that registration for Encounter will now be open until Thursday night.

While doing Dishes Wednesday night, I was hit with a thought, "ask God".  So I did.  I asked God if I should go to Encounter.  He immediately responded with an, "Absolutely."  The way He said it was as if he were saying, 'why would you not go? I will be there, you will experience me, why not.  Am I not wort more than all your money?'   So right after dishes, I went and signed up online.  I figured I could due without a month or two of something else in my budget to experience God in a deeper way.

As I was driving home Friday night, one of my first thoughts was, "what I experienced tonight alone was worth more than my $40.  What I experienced tonight alone I would of paid $120 for a ticket for." In fact, I would of paid my entire bank account for it.

God is Good!


During all of this weekend and what's happened since, I've found the KEY to Hearing God is 1) have an open heart and 2) come expectant to hear from him.

God of Second Chances

Last week when I went to bed and was trying to fall asleep quickly, without much luck.  It was one of those moments where your really tired but can't sleep.  So I was asking God to help me fall asleep and He told me to change position (I was getting pretty warm since I had added an extra blanket, and I had resulted in taking my socks off to help my body cool off).  God instead said to put my socks on and take the extra blanket off to cool my body off just enough. Though I think it was more of a test to see if I would follow what He said more than it was actually cooling off.  Anyways, I was tired and I knew that the more I move around the more awake I would be, so for the time being, I said no.  God simply replied, you won't be able to go to sleep until you do.  So I resulted in following what he had said.

Shortly after, Daniel walked in the room and was over by his bed.  While he was there it sounded like his allergies were really bad.  So I prayed and asked God to take away his allergies.  Again I think it was God testing me to see if I will follow what He says right away, for He replied, "touch him and it will be done."   Sounds simply right, yeah it is, and I know that the Bible clearly teaches in the power of laying hands on people... BUT I was laying in bed, really tired and I wanted to go to sleep.   Daniel wasn't going to just happen to walk over to my bed (he though I was sleeping) so I can awkwardly reach out and touch him.  So I again told God my dilemma and that I didn't want to get out of bed.  He said, "if you touch him, he will be healed."  I said, "I don't want to get out of bed, if I get up it will wake me up."

Suddenly I was convicted that I was preventing someone from being healed do to my selfishness. As I was battling this, Daniel walked out of the room.  I was kicking myself that I hadn't done something when I finally decided to get up and walk out and pray for him.  I got up and opened the door only to find one of two options (both that would really wake me up): 1) he went outside or 2) he went upstairs.  The problem with upstairs is that Laura had company over and it was all full of talking up there.  So I sadly resulted in coming back to bed, sad that I hadn't done what God asked me to do, when He told me to do it.  I just felt heavy and guilty.  I started crying and asking God for forgiveness.  As He assured me that I am forgiven, the song "God of Second Chances" from the Veggie Tales movie: Jonah, flooded my head.

I was so thankful. Shortly after Daniel walked in and I asked if I could pray for him, and I did (and I fell asleep quickly after).  Then in the morning I asked him how his allergies were doing and he said they were great! Praise God!

Moral of the story: Do what God tells you to do the first time

KCA Faculty Photo

Since I am an "assistant" or part-time teacher this year at KCA (Koinonia Christian Academy), I am in their Faculty picture.  They decided that since I was the tallest, I should be placed right in the middle :)