Encounter with God

Friday night; Encounter:

 As I was worshiping I felt and extreme excitement and (un-natural) energy for worship.  God spoke to me there. There was a line in one of the songs:

What can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart oh God
Completely to you

Those last two lines really struck me.  I had my hands on my heart during this song - gripped quite tightly.  The first time we hit this verse, at those last two lines, I started to remove my hands from my heart in showing and representing that I'm offering my heart completely to God.  However, what surprised me was I stopped my hands, in saying to God, 'I want my heart.'  God really challenged me through this and really worked with me.  Finally I released my hands from my heart crying out to God, "Take my heart".  But I still felt Him saying, "release your heart fully to me." I tried everything that I knew how to give it to him, but nothing seemed to work.

At one time I couldn't stand and I fell to my knees and worshiped, cried out, praised and prayed.  God helped me, at that point, open my heart to Him more and He told me that is what he'll be doing this weekend.  When I fell  to my knees, I could not stop breathing deeply - which made me light headed.  I felt faint, and that I was exhaling my selfish life and my heart to God and breathing in His life.

(The worship session had ended and everyone was back in there seats at this point, but I felt that God was still speaking to me so I stayed were I was on the floor, next to my seat and off to the side).

The position I was sitting in, on my knees and feet, it made my feet start to fall asleep (a not too comfortable feeling in this position), but I felt I needed to stay in my position, so I did.  My hands dangled at my side, shaking, circling and out of my control.  At one point my hands, tingly and lack of feeling (in the realm of touch), were pulled backwards strongly.  So I let them go until God spoke to me saying, regarding my path ahead of me as a pastor, "you may feel like you are being pulled backwards but you will walk forwards."  Then He twisted my hands and pulled them closer together behind me, saying, "and you may feel that your hands are tied/trapped and caught, but you will continue building my church."

Then I was pulled downward and He said, "you may fall, but you will get up." And I suddenly felt my laniard became really heavy around my neck and He said, "Things will pull you down, but I will hold you up."  I felt lots of pain in my feet and he said, "life will have lots of pain, but keep going for I am with you and will protect you." I couldn't move my feet nor my legs and he said, "you may feel you cannot move, but you will move, you will go forward."  "you may feel alone, but I am with you."  "You will never be alone."  As I was being pulled further downward, I tried to hold myself up with my arms, but God said, "Don't. Let go.  I will hold you up, trust me."  "My love is sufficient."

I felt pain in my feet like crazy from my body weight cutting off the blood circulation, and and I started to move, to shift positions to get blood flowing again, but God said, "Don't." He told me to only move when He says to.  I may be in a position or situation where I know if I shift positions or move I will  have less pain, but I AM TO WAIT! God will tell me when I can move.  If I do it in my own time, it will be worse.  God's got a plan and he will help me and heal me - IN HIS OWN TIMING!  He will give me courage and strength.

After a long time when I finally fell to my side (for I couldn't move my legs or feet), I realized that it was about 40 minutes before I could move my legs and feet again.  There was lots of pain too as the blood flowed back into that part of my body again.  (As with almost every time the Holy Spirt takes me over like this, my feet become unearthly heavy afterwards for a period of time).