The Spring Out Of Spring Break

The week following Spring Break was really overwhelming and a bit stressful.  I had planned to get caught up on homework over Spring Break, plus do the extra work assigned over break, plus I was hoping to get a bit ahead to help with my stress.  However very little of that happened since I was in Canada the 2nd half and the few days prior I was a bit of an emotional wreck with the news of Wayne's death.   So Coming back to all that work to get done, plus classes, plus upcoming assignments, readings, and projects - that all piled on stress and overwhelmment.   And to top it off, actually this was one of the bigger struggles, was the emotional stress.  Just the reality and processing that Wayne was dead and all that, it was miserable.   However God showed up and showed again the power of prayer.  I had asked two people to pray for my stress and overwhelmment over lunch Tuesday and I spent time in His word and with Him.  After reading His word, there was an obvious peace and change, though I was still overwhelmed.   I went into my afternoon class, which has brought stress and lots of overwhelming moments in the past, overwhelmed and I walked out completely at peace!  God is so Good!  

It has been really hard, yet just this week I am finally getting caught up.   But, that doesn't mean I don't have work to do :).   I still have several big projects coming up, including a final project due at the end of April which is basically 3-5 big projects combined.  I need to start digging into that.  

I did talk with my supervisor yesterday at work and they do want me to work over summer which is exciting!  On the down side, as a student-worker, they are only allowed to give me 25 hours a week - I had requested 30-40 (and I currently get 15 hours a week).    She also mentioned something about being able to schedule the 25 hours say in morning or afternoons and finding another job in the off time to fill the extra desired hours.    I could just find another job all together, except I really would like to stay at this job, as I really enjoy it.   Yes I don't get paid much, but I feel that the enjoyment of it is worth so much more.  I look at my dad for example, as he just switched jobs recently.  I believe he took a decent pay cut in accepting his new job, but they way he enjoys it brings me excitement and joy and life, and I can only imagine what it dose for him.  So, yes I would like to have a higher paying job, but enjoyment and fulfillment in it is a much higher priority to me.   If God will allow it, He will provide where there is lack.  

Spring Break: Pricey, Painful, & Invaluable

Oh my, where to begin? I am quite behind on my blog updates as life has been extremely overwhelming and packed full the past few weeks - I hope to get to that though in a future post.   This post is planned to be focused on my Spring Break.   I usually refrain from making posts terrible long, but since a lot happened in this time, it may be a bit longer than usual.  

Spring Break.   Spring break was two weeks ago.  Spring Break did not go as planned.   Spring Break was expensive.  Spring Break was painful.  Spring Break: let’s dive in!   I had thoughts a long while ago to join my two cousins (that I live with) on our Young Group’s missions trip down to Mexico over Spring Break.  However through thinking and praying about it, I had decided against going.  I was worried that I would feel too overwhelmed with homework and required readings over that time.   I am glad that I decided not to go.   For the past six or so months I have been trying to figure out a time to head out to Fort Wayne, Indiana to spend time with relatives out there.  Each time I have tried to go, God has stopped it or told me not to go.  And even though I have not wanted to follow His lead each time, each time He has worked it for something much better.   The weekend going into Spring Break I had decided to ask if it would be a good time for me to come, since I had the time off.  I had requested the week off work (including the Monday after) prior to declining the Missions trip, as I thought I would be in Mexico.  After I decided not to go, my work Okayed my request off work.  So I kept it as some rest and catch up time, or so I thought I would.  

Anyways prior to asking my aunt if I could come I felt that still small voice saying, “no”.   But I really wanted to ask.   Yet I heard, “no, why would you ask if you are not going to go?”  But since I had already made up my mind, I asked.   And what do you know, they came back with the answer I was looking for.  The offered that Thursday through Sunday I could stay with them during Spring Break!   Yeah I was excited.  But I didn’t have peace.   All throughout the weekend prior to the week of Spring Break, I felt that still small voice tell me over, and over, and over again to tell my aunt I am not coming.  I did not like it at all.   I knew that if it was God, He had something better – He always does – but I had finally made a plan I have been waiting for for a long time!   No way was I going to stop that.   But God remained persistently gentle.    He kept pressing on me to contact my aunt.  Sunday night, I think, I contacted my aunt and told her that I wasn’t having peace about coming and I felt that God may be saying no, but that as I really want to come, I would continue to pray about it.  She completely understood and that gave me peace too. 

Monday I went to spend the night with my grandma’s as I was taking my car to the automotive shop in her town (about an hour and fifteen minutes away).  That particular shop has proved it’s trustworthiness to me and noticed the problems that the local shop here did not.   I took my car in a little proud that for the first time in a long time I actually had money budgeted for my car repairs!  Thanks to my dad’s advice (to budget $100 a month into car repairs) and God’s provision of a job and such, I had $182 set aside for this repair.    I was a little prideful about it, and quite happy too.   Though God quite humbled me from it when the shop called and estimated a $700 repair.   One that was painful – two that was even more painful since I had just over $1,100 in my bank account and my next paycheck would be under $80 (in two weeks) since I was out over Spring Break.   But my car needed the repair so I told them to fix it.   They got it fixed later than expected because another problem arouse while fixing two of the engine mounts.  The ball and joint from my tire to my axle that they had replaced back in January was faulty and causing more problems because it was a cheap Chinese part.  I do not blame them for this problem – neither they nor I had any idea that the cheaper part would cause these problems, and I was thankful they used a cheaper part at the time.   On the bright side, it took less time to put the mounts in, so the total cost was still just over $700.   Then again on the down side, the repairs did help but not enough.   Some transmission mounts needed to be replaced – which still didn’t fix it (they were replaced this past week) but really helped the car from shaking so much.  But it was nearly another $200.  Thankfully my dad gave me some of my college fund money early to help prevent my bank account from dropping below zero, and it did come within $10 or less of doing so.  Thank you God.  The car problems were one possible reason I figured God may have not allowed me to go to Indiana.  Well, that is until Tuesday night, on Spring Break.  

Tuesday night I was playing a good game of Rummy with my grandma, as we do most good evenings :).    As the game came to a close I took a glance at my phone that set my world into a spin.   I had one message, one from my aunt in Canada, which started, “Just letting you know that Wayne Kuepfer died of a heart attack today….” My heart broke and spilled out all over.  I didn’t know I could feel that pain at this time, nor did I ever expect nor want to hear those words.    Wayne Kuepfer was the dad a friend, an SLI classmate for two years, Janette Kuepfer; the husband of a good friend, Loretta Kuepfer; the father of five grown kids; and a friend to many, many people.  He was three months away from becoming a grandfather of twins – he was so excited about becoming a grandfather!   To me, I didn’t know him super well, but from what I did know of him, he was like a dad to me.   I had spent time to talk to him about loves, pains, confusions, questions and more.   I went to him one night at 10PM and he was just leaving for work, and he stopped what he was doing and we sat in his van for nearly an hour as he let me pour out what was on my heart, and then walk and talk me through it, give me valuable wisdom and advice, and pray with me.   I do not know a ton of people that I can do that with.  

To hear that he had died, crushed my world.   Over the next couple days, life was really heavy.   Homework that I had planned to get done, got nowhere, rest and relaxation that I had hoped to get over break was nowhere to be seen.  I didn’t know what to think, what to do, what to feel, and so on.   I felt lost and deeply pained.   Now I can’t imagine what the family felt.  Wayne was only 55, had no serious health problems that I know of that could of led to this or anything.    It was just out of the blue.   Not only that, but he was also at work when it happened.  Wayne was a truck driver for Home Hardware (a Big Canadian home and hardware company).  He was doing an overnight delivery.  So he was in a different province, sleeping in his truck when he died.   I still do not feel like it’s real.   It has been really hard, for lack of better words. 

Anyways, Thursday night I decided that I had peace and permission with God to make a trip to Canada for the weekend to support the Keupfer family and go to the funeral.   I left Friday morning at 4:00am and had little to no traffic.  My GPS took me an unusual route that didn’t take me through Chicago, which was nice, and the drive when well.  At the boarder they didn’t ask a ton of questions, though they did ask if I have had problems with immigration in the past.  I told them ‘no.  I came in January 2017 without proof that I would return and I was turned back.  Today I have proof just in case.’  I had my Student ID card along with the signed document from my work confirming my request for these days off.   The boarder guard didn’t even look at my “proof”, he let me in – Thank you God!    That was only by you God!   I made it up in about 8.5 hours – which I would say is very good for that trip.   I had asked my aunt Laura for permission to stay with them that weekend, and she was okay with it :).  Otherwise I didn’t tell anyone I was coming up.  I knew that my purpose for being in Canada was not for friends, and if I told everyone it would be too much of a stress trying to get together with all my friends in the short time I had.    I had to keep reminding myself that throughout the weekend and it really helped me have peace with not hanging out with everyone.  My purpose was for the funeral and to support the Keupfer family, not for friends.  Hopefully God will allow me sometime soon to come up to be with friends but it wasn’t for this trip.  Yes I did get so spend time with friends, but it wasn’t the main focus of the trip.   I got there on Friday, and the Funeral was on Monday.

Friday night I went and surprised a few friends and chatted with them for a bit.  Then we all went to Heart & Home, the connect group that I use to go to while I was in Canada, and we surprised them there as well.    It was a really good time, such a blessing to me. It was really encouraging to be with friends and such a well-connected, loving and caring group!  Friday I was up for 22 hours, I was surprised to find that I didn’t crash until the wee hours of Saturday morning. 

Saturday morning, I got up early (Praise God for a good sleep!) to go to Healing School at Koinonia – a once a month “class” that is encouraging, powerful and complete with prayer!  God blessed me that it was this weekend.  Through the two hour “class” God really worked on my heart where I have been experiencing lots of doubt the past number of months.   He challenged me to the core, and built up a powerful confidence in me!   At the end, normally anyone who needs any sort of healing will go up to the front for prayer.  However the leader told us this time that as Jesus told us to lay hands on the sick, we were not told that it always had to be someone else.   So everyone who wanted healing, laid their own hands on wherever they needed healing, and we all prayed corporately.   I had pain in my back, neck, hips, knees, and chest and since I didn’t have that many hands, I placed my hands on the two most painful areas – the left knee and the back of the neck.   We prayed and I was excited.   God worked supernatural healing then – though I didn’t know it then.  I look back now, a week and a half later, and the chest pain that someone guessed was a fracture though it was never checked for sure, that I’d had on some of my left ribs that had been very sharp pain for two weeks, was suddenly gone, just gone!   WOW GOD!   But it gets better.   The Chronic neck, upper middle and lower back, hip, and knee pains that I’ve had with some super sharp pains for many months – some for years – are now almost entirely gone!!!!!!!!!   And if that isn’t proof, I haven’t taken my pain killers nor my muscle relaxers in over a week and a half – in fact I didn’t take the muscle relaxers that Saturday nor the Friday before that – just because I forgot!!! GOD is Soooooo Goooood!!!!!!! Praise be to GOD!!!!  

After healing school was over, as everyone was getting up and chatting, I started to gather my things together and get my coat on, after chatting with a few people.   As I was doing so, a lady whom I know, but I didn’t have time to recognize and place a name with, came up and grabbed my hand and then left.   She had left a $20 bill in my hand.   I thanked God, but was struck with the thought I had no idea what it was for.  Normally when God provides, I feel like I know what it is for.    But I was struck that I had no idea what this was for, I couldn’t think of a good use for it, and saving wasn’t terribly ideal since it was a Canadian $20 bill.  So, I stuffed it in my pocket, and forgot about it.  If God brought it my way, He has a use for it.  I do not need to worry about it, I just have to let Him do that work.   And I forgot about it.   

Later, as I was leaving Healing School, I got to meet a good friend, Heather, again.  It was so energizing to re-engage in conversation with her and to just catch up.   She is like bubbles of joy, breathing God’s love and grace, on fire for God and what He is doing in The Church and the world! I love it!  She is so amazing!   Anyways as we were talking, (another lady was there too), Heather had mentioned she was going to see I Can Only Imagine with a group of girls that afternoon, and she invited the lady that was standing there to join her.    I felt God’s prompting to give this lady they $20, so I did, and it blessed her up and down.  It was so amazing, and I am thrilled that God would use me to be part of this blessing!   Anyways, Heather and I then talked for quite a while and we didn’t want to stop, but our schedules said otherwise.   

Here is a picture we took together:

I then went to the St. Jacob’s Farmer’s Market and walked around and shopped for a half an hour or so.   Then I went to the Mall and hung out with a buddy for a little over three hours.  It was such a God blessing to be there with him in person and to chat, walk and talk, and pray together!    God is good!

I then went home for a bit and spent some time with God in prep for Wayne’s visitation that evening.    There was a visitation on Saturday, and two on Sunday, I only went to the Saturday one.   God really prepared my heart for the visitation and it was quite emotional.    There was an hour and a half to a two hour wait to go through the visitation line – there were tons of people – Wayne had a HUGE impact on TONS of people!  The second half of the waiting time, I sat next to Heather again, and we chatted away and totally had a lot of fun and learning.    God was visibly present.   Going through the line was hard, looking in the casket especially.   I still don’t fully feel the reality that Wayne is gone.  Yes he is much happier now and is living with Jesus in heaven now, but it’s hard to accept that God allowed him to go this early.   Talking with the Keupfer family was hard too.  I didn’t say much, and in truth, I didn’t know what to say, I felt at loss.   I was encouraged with talking with Loretta, her thoughts and where she was at was hard to hear but also encouraging as God was clearly shining out of her and her family!   As I was walking out, I caught up with a few friends and we chatted for a bit.   I got home late again Saturday night.

Sunday I got up early again, (Again, only by God did I get good and sufficient sleep) to go to both the 9 and 11 O’clock services and to the 8:30 corporate prayer beforehand.   It was refreshing to be reconnected with some friends and family (I haven’t been up there in 8-9 months).   And the Service and worship was really good as well.    After church I went home and tried to get some homework done, but I didn’t get far before it started to put me to sleep. I just chilled Sunday afternoon.    Sunday night I had a last minute plan change – from staying home to going to a movie with some friends.    It, again was great to be with some friends again, but even more some, I had some overwhelmingly encouraging, heart-touching, and just-what-I-needed conversations with God during the movie.    Afterwards we stayed at the theater and chatted for a while.   I got home late again on Sunday night.  

Monday wasn’t super early of a day, but I still got up in good time.  I had to pack and get ready for the funeral.   I got to Koinonia early, and there was a steady flow of people flowing in.   I was privileged to sit up front, just behind the Keupfer family and extended family, with an SLI classmate (Rosalie) and her family, which I’ve also gotten to know a little bit.   The funeral was packed – I believe it was well over 500 people though I do not know numbers for sure.  The hour and a half service consisted of worship, memories of Wayne and who he was, talks from his wife, kids, siblings, friends, and co-workers, and God all in-between it all.   It was beautiful and really hard (and funny at times).   I am thankful for Kleenexes.    They also live-streamed the service and it is on YouTube now.   After the service there were refreshments and lots of fellowship.  I ended up staying longer than I had planned and even nearly an hour after I put my coat on to go.   God spoke some powerful things into my life that weekend that may have changed my pursuit of Him and upped to the next state of what He’s been teaching – I hopefully when expound on this further down the road in future posts.  

As I left, I started with prayer and proper GPS destinations.   I was also reminded of a fuel gift card I was given 8.5 months ago when I was up in Canada.  I found it in my glove box and come to find out it still had over $30 left on it – just what I needed.    As I pulled into the same gas station and the same pump that I had used this card on 8.5 months ago, I was reminded that what God provided for so long ago, was still providing now.  Praise God!  He is so good!!  

I had an invite to stop half way through my return trip in Indiana with my relatives, but I felt God wanted me to go straight home – and I’m glad He did.  I made good time and was home before 11:00Pm, and at the boarder I had the quickest conversation with the guard I think I have ever had, no problem what so ever.  God is good!   But the trip home was really powerful and hard.  It was full of reflection and processing the day and the weekend and the past week.  It was processing more of the reality that Wayne was dead.    I cried for hours.   God spoke powerfully and directly and with peace and comfort.  He is soo Goood!   I was blessed for the whole weekend and though caused lots of sorrow and pain and stress, it was also full of peace, joy, and life.    It was just what I needed.   God is so Good!

Time With Grandma

I am on March Break this week and have no school or work.   I do have some homework, but I've been putting it off.  This past Sunday we (my aunt, uncle and my cousin Cristina) met my grandma a Pizza Ranch for supper (Bethany and Jesse are in Mexico on a missions trip).   I then went home with grandma and spent the night - I did not have small group Sunday night because everyone was on break.  The next day, Monday, I had a rheumatologist appointment in Peoria and my grandma came with me.  The doctor still wants me to get the MRI, which I will do in April, and also wants me to get some blood work done.   She mentioned that I should get some certain creams for my neck and a heat pad and an ice pack to try to help my pains.   My grandma offered me some extras she had.   I also went and got my allergy shot too.   Earlier that morning, I had taken my car into Princeville automotive to get my car worked on.  I am still at grandma's now, on Thursday.

Grandma and I have been working on a puzzle together and we found it strangely addictive.  At least in the sense that time flies super fast while doing it and we keep coming back to it.  Sunday night we played another great game of Rummy and in the final round she passed me by 10 points, we are pretty close generally.    Monday night we decided to play Rummy again.  It was 7pm and we decided that we would call it quits at 9pm (we easily can go 3-4 hours and not know it).  Grandma went and got the cards while I grabbed a piece of paper to record our scores on.  We both got caught up trying to find a couple pieces of the puzzle that fit.  Before we knew it, the clock met and passed 9pm and we were still working on the puzzle, the deck of cards and paper just sitting at the edge of the card table.   It was a lot of fun - we actually didn't stop at 9pm, but kept going till at least 9:30.   Tuesday night was similar, I grabbed the paper and grandma the cards and we got caught up at the card table over the puzzle again.  Though we cut the puzzle short and went and played our game of Rummy.   Wednesday night we finished up the puzzle (1,000 pieces and more shades of green than I knew existed).  We both had been working on it on and off throughout each of the days this week.  She had a good chuck started when I got there Sunday evening. 

Fundraiser

Last Friday was the Prairie Christian School (PCS) spring fundraiser. (This is the small private christian school that my cousins went to, whom I am living with, and one cousin still attends, and both their parents work there - one as a teacher, the other as the treasurer).  The format of this fundraiser was a dinner followed by a live auction.   It was quite exciting!  I have never been to a live auction, that I recall.  The auctioneers were very entertaining and fun to watch and listen too and they helped the night be all the more exciting.  There were over 120 items sold, and prices were high, people were generous in their giving.   There was items of nearly all types from gift cards, to lake days and parties, to books, games, toys, furniture, and horse back riding lessons, to beach condo-vacations, a year of dental cleaning and care, to even food.  The list goes on and on.   Some of the food items were widely known as "heavenly", such as a box of rolls that sold for $300/box, or eight dozen Springerles that sold for $125/dozen!!!!  It was a blast!  I bid on a few things, but I was out bid on all of them.  I wished I had more money to bid, because it was so much fun, I wished I could of raised my card/number on all of them.   But I had to remind myself that I am on a budget. 

I spent the evening with a friend who I got to know through my cousins.  Being with him through the night made it a lot more fun too.   

Cars' On The Mend

My car was suppose to get done yesterday, but the shop didn't give me a call like they said they would.  However I don't lay that on them.  I gave them a call this morning at 9:00 am. and found out why.  They put the two new engine mounts on but the shaking was still there.  They said it was better, but not gone.  They looked into it and talked with (or read something with) Volkswagen.   Come to find out the part they fixed back in January may be the problem.  They had ordered an off-brand part to save me money(which I was thankful for) but they are now finding out that there is a warning on it from Volkswagen to not put a cheap Chinese-made part on there or other problems will occur.  So they ordered the new part and are putting that in now.  They are now hoping that I'll have my car in a few hours.   They also said it will still be around the predicted $700 because, Praise God, it took a lot less time to put the mounts in than they had expected (a direct answer to prayer)!

CAR-sick

Prayer request:  that God would continue to provide.

Today, yet again, my car is ready to head to a shop.   Over the last 3-6 months my car has been vibrating and over time the vibration has gotten worse.  Come to find out due to breaking engine mounts, my engine is violently shaking, literally shaking back and forth under the hood.  I do not know much about cars but this isn’t good.   Between talking to my dad, a diesel mechanic, and a automotive shop, I find myself in a position that needs to get a car fixed.  I have put it off for a long time, but now it’s time to be done.   I took my car into Princeville Automotive and hand them check it out.  They got back to me with times and costs.  The two broken mounts cost me $200.  The shop said if I ordered them right then (within 20 minutes) they would arrive the next day.  So I ordered them.  Tomorrow I will take my car into the shop to have it fixed.  Thanks to good ol’ German cars, getting to the engine mounts and replacing them is a lot of work.  The shop estimated that to get to the first one it would take about 2.4 hours and about 3.5 hours for the second one.  I’m total it comes out to be about $500 in labour.  Thanks to my dad’s wonderful advice I recently started putting $100 a month into my car repair fund (or whatever I had available- last month I didn’t have $100 to put in there).  With that being said, I only have $181.53 for my car repairs.  Praise God for His continual blessing, I do have the $700 in my bank account, however I will have to pull from a lot of other areas to cover it.    

So as my adventures with my car continue, I ask for prayer that God would provide for this unexpectedly high expense.

Loaded Sunday

Lets just start this post off by saying, WOW!  Sunday was a really fun day this past weekend!   Lots got done, it was powerful, it was engaging, it was relaxing, refreshing, not overwhelming, beautiful.

Sunday morning started off with a wonderful time of worship and quiet time, followed by a Biblical study time - not intended, but I really enjoyed it.  As I was reading though Mark 11 a couple questions came up and I wrote them down - I normally don't do this, and though I would like to more often, I struggle getting excited about hand writing.   Via a Steven Furtick podcast (Highly Recommend this Pastor - pastor of Elevation Church) I learned that the word Bethlehem means "House of Bread", Bethel means "House of God", and, the first part of both of those, Beth- means "House of".   So as I opened up to Mark 11 verse one and read the two names "Bethphage and Bethany" I was curious what they meant.  I pulled up the Blue Letter Bible app (Highly Recommend this for Biblical Studies too!) and did some Googling and used Google Translate.   I found that Bethphage means "house of unripe figs" (hmmm interesting).  I found that some scholars (who lived in the time period of when this was written) say that the town of Bethany didn't exist after the time of the apostles.   However there was a town by the name of Bethabara meaning "house of the ford, place of crossing." many versions of the New Testament use this as the site "beyond the Jordan" or "east of the Jordan".   Some say Jesus was baptized by John in Bethany, however in The Book of Mormon, Bethabara is recorded as the place of Jesus' baptism.   According to Google Translate, Bethabara is Greek for "In Bethany".   Different ancient manuscripts, of the Gospel of John use either Bethabara or Bethany for where John was Baptizing (thanks to Google, Wikipedia, The Blue Letter Bible, and other resources).

Anyway, it was a fun study - I am not sure what to get from it yet, if anything.   Then I had a great drive to church (Eastview) and got a good seat.    Worship again was great.  Then we moved into the fourth and final message on our series on Achan in Joshua 7.   This weeks sermon was on Judgement.  They posted on the screens and in the announcements, that if anyone hand any questions about God's Judgement and the why's and anything of that context, they can text it to the provided number as Pastor Mike was going to answer some in a live Q&A in the middle of the service.    Pastor Mike brought a great message on Judgement, and then part way though he paused for a break and answered some of the questions that were sent in.  I do not remember all the questions off the top of my head, and I only wrote one or two of them down, but I found it valuable and meaningful.   After a handful of questions, Mike returned to the service on judgement.   It was a really good service.   Following the service Mike transitioned it into a time of worship, prayer, and communion.   He invited people to come up for prayer and invited everyone to come up front for communion.  This was unusual, as normally the trays are passed around.  There were 4 or 5 stations up front and a handful of stations up on the balcony where the communion cups were at.   I was glad that I sat closer to the front, for it did get a bit crowded upfront (between 2 big services and one small service, Eastview has around 6,000 people).   But it did flow smoothly and surprisingly it didn't take too long.  It was a very powerful time of worship, prayer and communion.    The way that it was set up and they way that God moved was right to the heart and powerfully needed.    It was also very humbling and a great reminder of what Christ did for us.    From that the service ended.

On the way out I talked to a guy who was walking next to me.  I also met his mom who was visiting from Indiana (I don't remember where though in Indiana).  I mentioned that I have family in Fort Wayne, and found out they do as well.  (I'm realizing the benefit, joy, power and beauty of doing what I didn't really do much at Koinonia, though Pastor Steve really pushed for: to meet someone new every Sunday).   I felt that it wasn't time for me to leave yet.  So I asked God who He wanted me to talk to.  I went upstairs and a lady stuck out to me standing by one of the upstairs cafes (yeah this place has a handful of them).   I went over and started talking to her.  She just six months ago retired and is enjoying it.  She use to be and Elementary teacher and a Librarian (I think - something with a library).   Then I prayed for her and left.  It was really good.  I had a great drive home too.

When I got home, I went for a quick run with Amigo (our dog - a black lab).  It was such a nice day, a bit breezy, but it felt good.  I didn't go far - Amigo seemed sad that I turned around so early.  I am out of shape.  I enjoy running though.   I also have had a high heart rate and I feel worn out quite quickly (this has been over the last month or so) and I noticed as I started to run that my right knee was hurting to run on, so I limped as I ran (my right knee has been increasingly bothering me.  I told the doctor when I got X-Rays and the doctor came back and said my right knee is fine, but there was something irregular in my left femur.  They want to have an MRI of it - which I will likely do in April).

After I got inside I put on a Steven Furtick Podcast (though I didn't pay high attention this time, and you will see why here) and sat down and played some Mario Kart on Jesse's Game Cube - Jesse and I had a lot of fun playing it on Saturday.    Not long after, the Schlipf's got home from church and Jesse and Cristina joined me on Mario Kart.  We were working on unlocking some new things - which we did get a few new things unlocked.    Then Renee (my aunt) asked us to go outside after 30 minutes.   Thus we did.

We messed around at first not know what to do.  But after a bit, we settled on hitting a tennis ball, a foam ball, and a foam football with a baceball bat - we each had a bat and a ball.   Not too long later Jesse turned it into the game 500 with a small solid bat and the foam football.   We played that for quite a long while and it was a ton of fun - and a great day for it.  It has been a while since I've had that much fun outdoors!   Though on one of the turns, Cristina was it, with the bat and ball, and Jesse and I were trying to get it, I decided to prevent Jesse from getting it.  I came up behind him and gave him a big hug and didn't let go.  I had decided that when the ball was hit, I would go limp and weigh him down, for fun.  He seemed to figure something like that would happen, because when the ball was hit he decided to just fall.   As we both, in smiles and laughter, crumbled to the ground, I hit first and as he fell on top of me, one of his shoulders slammed into the left side of my chest.  I felt a sharp pain both in the front by the ribs and in the back by the spine.   It was fun though!   Yes, since then, I've had a strong pain in that area, when I move, breathe, cough, plow my nose and all the other goodies.  But we had fun!    I am very thankful for that - Thank you Renee for asking us to go outside!

Once we came in we talked a bit and messed around a bit.    Then I went downstairs and had a wonderful time with God, and then another wonderful time building.   - To stimulate and reactivate my creative juices and love for spacial building (while not having money) I decided to use what I had to build something (this was a number of weeks ago - where I had used old copy paper and tape to build tubes and build with them.  Since then since my tape ran out and it was expensive to get more, I found that I could get by with what I had.  I still have a half a roll of the plastic wrap left from Christmas.  So I used the plastic wrap as my tape, and it works great for the way I am using it.   I did go to Wal-Mart and bought 1,000 more sheets of copy paper to keep that part supplied.  Now I have invested about 1,500 sheets of copy paper into building material only using plastic wrap to hold them together.) I enjoy building with them, - though I would love to someday get another big tub of Legos or wooden blocks to build with!   I got to spend some great time building.   Then we, as a family, watched a movie called The or is it A (I'm not sure, but it is followed by) Question of Faith.   Even though it was a bit cheesy and predictable, I found it a really good movie with good messages - I cried several times through it.  

After the movie I tried to figure out what to do next.  I spent some time talking, which I enjoyed, as usual.   But I also felt a pull to go see Black Panther again - I've been wanting to see that for the past week again (I saw it in 3D with my dad last Sunday).   I asked God about it and sought wisdom on it.   I felt a peace and a freedom to go that night.  I wanted to be wise since it was past 9 O'clock and I had to leave for work Monday morning at 10:00 AM.     I knew that it was a half an hour drive to the theater each way and the movie was 2 hours and 15 minutes long.   I looked online for places, prices and times.    I found one that was an IMAX showing for $10 (as a Student) and it showed at 10:10 PM.   I talked to  both Bethany and Jesse about it and they advised against it.  However I knew I wanted to go, and I felt such a freedom and peace about going that I went.   I left knowing that God may end up taking me somewhere else and I won't watch it, but I had peace about going.   I got to the theater quite a bit late, but thank goodness for the great amount of previews they show before hand, for I got there just as the finial preview was ending and the movie was about to start.  There was at least several hundred seats in the room and I was probably one of the less than 5 people in the room - and it was a HUGE Screen.   I enjoyed it yet again.  On the way home I did some journaling too.  I headed to bed around 2:00 AM this morning and I got up just before 8:00 AM.  I had a great sleep (minus the occasional pains from rolling and moving the (what I am assuming is a) bruise from playing earlier).   I couldn't even stay focused and fully awake for prayer, that is before I went up and had a creamy caramel cappuccino hot chocolate - that helped.  I don't drink coffee much, but I have found an enjoyment for these - I've had two in the last week now.    I was awake today during work so that worked, haha.

Robert Morris & Michael Jr.

So I joined a Small Group from Eastview Church (one of forty) and were were going to meet on Friday nights, but do to people's schedules it was moved to Sunday nights. .  .  and yesterday was Sunday.    Thus our first night of Small Group was last night.  Our group is all guys and ages range from high teens to low to mid twenties.   oh, and there is only five or so of us.   Our leader is 22 or 23 I believe.    We met at our leader's (Ryan) home, well or his parents home - he lives in their basement - in Normal IL, just a couple minutes from church.  We met at 8:30pm.  

I really enjoyed it.   We have started a seven part series called Frequency by Robert Morris - the Senior Pastor of Gateway Church in Dallas Texas - Ryan (our leader) use to attend Gateway when he lived in Dallas.   I love Robert's messages, so I was excited to start a video series by him.   The first video in the series was called "I am a Sheep" - all these videos are free on podcast or Gateway's website.    It looks like this series will be digging into hearing God's voice.   At first I had some prideful thoughts go through my head that I already know how to hear God's voice - since Robert started out nailing down that God still speaks to us today.   But I felt that was just my pride that I am working to let go of - and I am seeing that I will be learning a lot in this series.   After the thirty to forty minute message, Ryan put on some instrumental worship music and dimmed the lights.  He gave us 10 or so minutes to write down what we think we hear God saying about this message, or whatever else we think He might be saying.   God showed me a picture (on the Apple TV Slideshow Screensaver - a video actually) of a road in a city.  I felt that He told me that He was taking me down a new path of hearing His voice.   I felt some anxiety about it, which surprised me but I also felt a peace and life in it.  So I am looking forward to what He shows/teaches me.   After the 10 or so minutes the lights came back on and we talked about what we thought of the service and any opinions we may have on it.   Ryan also shared some of his life experiences.   Some of which I could relate to - and I also related some of the stories and content Robert had shared about to my last six months up in Canada.    Two of the other guys shared a few thoughts and the fifth mentioned that he was in the spot of not feeling that he can hear God - something Robert had talked about - something that a lot of people feel.    And as this guy noted, Robert had given some good advice on where to start with that - something I would like to somewhat if not fully implement into my schedule.  

After this, Ryan shared some more thoughts and personal experiences and we ended in prayer.  Then we sat and talked a bit.  Ryan put on a Youtube guy that he found funny on the TV.  One guy had to leave right away - he had and early morning this morning.  The other two guys got up and played some Ping Pong and Ryan and I struck up a conversation.  Before long the other two guys left and it was just Ryan and I.  We talked for quite a while - he was sharing with me a revelation and study he'd done/received at how the town of Bethlehem itself shows that Jesus was both man and God.  Plus he shared some other thoughts too - it was very interesting.  Then we got into the Youtube videos from this guy.  We watched those for a while, and then that turned to watching a bunch of Michael Jr. videos on Youtube as well.   We, after quite a while, started a 30 minute sermon by Michel Jr. that he preached at gateway.   It was both funny and really powerful.  Not long afterwards I left, realizing that it was 11:45 PM.   I journaled for about fifteen minutes in my car on the Michael Jr. sermon - in it he had given a picture that really challenged me when I am spiritually right now, and it's something that I really have been trying to work on, but this took it even deeper.   That thought was on my mind until I fell asleep and it's been on my mind since waking up this morning.   I'm going to take some time to really think, pray and process this.   Though I think my prayer life will have a little twing to it now - what Michael talked about also really challenged how I pray - and the visuals that came with it in my heart disturb me a lot.   - So that is something I ask for prayer for, that I'd be able to process through this with clarity and freedom.

I am looking forward to small group next Sunday night!

God is Good!  

Powerful Preparation for Pride

This weekend Sunday morning I had a choice that I have all mornings.  I can think of whatever my mind wants to wonder on about, or I can try, try, try to get into a worship time.   I find that when I don't feel stirred by the Spirit, I struggle to just jump into a great time with God.  However, I decided to give it a try Sunday morning.   It took a bit of "work" but God blessed me with a great time with Him.  I left for church 30 minutes before I needed to be there - it's about a 20-30 minute drive, so I was right on time.   While driving I was praying for various people, and when I got to one person, I felt the Spirit move in a different way.  I felt that I needed to pray "extra" and speak out over that person.  I pulled off to a small lot on the side of the road as I felt to send a word to that person.   I pulled off and prayed and typed/texted a message out to the person.   When I finished I realized I was late for church.  I sent the message and headed off again.

When I got to church, worship had already started - at this point in life I value worship as one of the most powerful parts of life, especially corporately.  I experience God (almost) most in worship (of music and praise).    Anyways I was a bit sad to find that worship had already started, especially since I didn't think they were going to worship very long - the past two weeks worship has been short.     But I didn't want to focus on the sadness or the negative, so I found a spot in the back off to the side and joined in worship.   And worship kept going, Thank you God, you are so good to me!    He stirred in my heart.  I had been asking Him to prepare my heart for the day and reveal Himself to me, and dig deep into me.  And through Worship there He worked in me and prepared my heart.  I had expected, when I asked Him to prepare my heart, that He would prepare if for this time of worship.   And He did so, but not as I expected.  In fact He kept preparing my heart during Worship.    Then we had communion, the worship and offering and worship again!  Then a pastor (not the main senior pastor that normally preaches) stood up and gave a powerful (and very engaging) message on Humility, continuing on our 4-week sermon series on Achan (Joshua 7).   I do not recall such a powerful message on Humility before, God really had done some prep in me.   But He kept preparing me.

The message ended and went into a time of worship.  It was then at that moment that God had prepped me for.   Worship was powerful.  Part way into the preacher offered for anyone to come up front for prayer and/or anointment.  I had decided that I was not going to go up.  But God had a different Idea.   I felt convicted of a sin that I had not wanted to fully recognize for a long time.  Pride.   Feeling weighed down, I sat down.    I didn't know how to release this pride.  I gave it to God the best I know how.  Then I went up front for prayer.  I shared my conviction with the lady that was going to pray for me and asked for prayer also that I would know how to release my pride and let go of it - and that it would be something I could live out rather than a one-time, God-experience thing.   She then (with my permission) anointed me with oil, by drawing a cross with oil on my forehead in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (this was a new experience for me).  Then she prayed for me.

I returned to my seat after the prayer and encouragement and worshiped God.  I continued to try to the best of what I know how, to give to Him, to confess, and to surrender my pride.   It was a powerfully emotional moment.  The service then ended and I remained in my spot to continue to seek God, as most of the rest of the room exited the room.   A guy then sat down next to me and started to talk to me and in conversing with him, he talked me through some of what I was feeling, and through that conversation, God revealed to me more details of my pride that I needed to let go of.    Then they guy prayed for me and left me with some encouragement.   On the way out I stopped in the Family Room for prayer that I would be able to continue seeking God on this and be able to live it out day in and day out.  

Unempoyed

Well today is the big day.   Today, for the first time in over 11 and a half years, my dad is unemployed!   God has blessed him and flourished him wherever he has gone and wherever he has worked.  Around 11 and a half years ago my dad made the big switch in his employment from working at Dell down in Texas, to working at a small little company in Illinois by the name of Precision Planting - owned and run by Gregg Sauder.    Over the last 11 and a half years who he has worked for has shifted here and there but he has remained employed (kind of at the same company: he worked at Precision Planting, then Monsanto bought them out, then sold them - except when Monsanto went to sell Precision Planting, they kept my dad with them).   Now that day has come again.  Monsanto has treated my dad amazingly and have blessed him in so many ways.    However, this past week my dad accepted a position at Yield 360 (another company in Illinois that was started and is run by Gregg Sauder).   Yesterday was his last day at Monsanto, and he starts work at Yield 360 on Monday.    With my dad living in Texas still, he will work remotely for 360 but will be up here in Illinois 5-10 days each month.

Dad, we are praying for you in this huge transition in life and we know that God will bless you in it as well.  

Following Foggy Fortunateness

Last night/evening on the way home from work/school I was driving on a road in the midst of the heavy fog and I was driving pretty fast, not focused much on my speed - not that it makes it okay, but I was so engulfed in singing along to the music in the car I had little regard to my speed, being somewhat hesitant to surpass 70 or 75 mph.   Then out of no where, it seemed, right in front of me was the faint view of break lights, I quickly slowed down to find that a black SUV-like van was stopped on the road waiting for an oncoming car to pass so he could turn.   As the car was turning I drove on.  Not far down the road a car drove by without lights on.  I flashed my lights at him, hopping they'd turn their lights on.  Then it hit me, "Thank you God!"  Had the car in front of me earlier not had it's lights on, I likely would not of see the bright-ish (as it can be in heavy fog) break lights and I would of had an accident.  Praise God!   Later I came to a stop sign and was turning left.  I was enjoying my time in the fog, and as I was making the turn I let go of the wheel and placed my knee on the wheel deciding that I might knee drive for a while - I am a pretty good knee driver (or so I think, though I've never done it in fog).  However as I was letting go of the wheel, I heard what I believe was God's still small voice whisper to me, "that is not wise to do in fog."   Realizing He was right, yet again, as always, I returned my hands to the wheel.   And Good thing too, for not much more than a couple hundred feet ahead I nearly hit a deer or two running across the road (in the fog).   Yet again, I get to give God all the credit.   Thank you God for both telling me and guiding me in wisdom and for saving me from an accident!   God is so Good!

First Foggy Fantastication

The past couple days a heavy fog has settled over the area, dramatically reducing the visibility in various places.  However amidst the fog, I have found great excitement and joy in this dramatic weather.  Likewise as I have felt that a heavy fog had settled over me in one of my classes at school, God has given me many blessings in it.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I had one particular Child Development class that I was quite stressed and overwhelmed in.   This past Tuesday in class, as I previously mentioned, my aunt gave me an enormous help and my professor stopped class in her busy schedule to help me and my classmates on it, plus she pushed back the date on the assignment that I was confused on.  

Today God brought much more excitement in that class yet again!  The professor started class with some house keeping items.  First she informed us, after a short class discussion on the current project, that she would be, yet again, pushing back the due date of this assignment, giving us more time.  She was pressing that she is looking for quality and wants to give us the time necessary to do so.  I am nearly finished with that project already, I may go back and do some touch ups now though.   Then she told us she has decided to drop the weekly quizzes and replace them with thorough class decisions (a far better option than the quizzes).    She then proceeded to tell us that she has decided to drop the next major assignment (I had reviewed it this morning and was silently not looking forward to it) which was to do a Finger Play activity with 0-2 year olds (A finger play is a song-like rhythm with actions.  For example, Patty cake, row row row your boat, Five monkeys in a tree, etc... and then do some other paper work assignments and a lesson plan prior to it).    She dropped the assignment to help not stress us out as much.  She told us (tying it into what we are learning) that this was an example of modifying and accommodating in a classroom - those two terms mean a lot more now.   Plus she said she would post the study guide for our midterm in a week and a half this weekend.  At the beginning of the semester she was thinking that the midterm exam would be open book, however she changed her mind.  Now the midterm exam is open notes, but no book.   WOW GOD!    She talked to me and explained in class that she understands that it can be stressful and overwhelming and she is willing to work with us.  

Praise God, I am nearly speechless!  I had not expected anything like this, God you are so good in all that you do.

Thank you to everyone who was praying for me, God heard your prayers and has acted upon them!   Glory be to God!  

Kerfuffles & Past Current Provision

So I had a paycheck kerfuffle the past week or so.    I didn't get my first paycheck because the paperwork didn't get processed quick enough (I may have turned them in late, I'm not sure though).  Either way I didn't get the check.    So I went up the the college cashier and they said that it would be added to the next paycheck.  Last Friday I was suppose to get my paycheck, I was told that they will either mail it on Thursday or I can pick it up on Friday.  I decided to pick it up.  Friday I went up to the cashier and they handed me my check.  Later I opened the check and found a couple things, 1) I get paid $8.25 and hour, and 2) I only got my first paycheck, the second one was not part of this check.  So I went back up the the cashier and talked to them.  The lady that was in charge of that was in a meeting, so the lady I talked to told me she would write a note and pass it on to the right person when she gets back.   She told me that I likely wouldn't hear from them until Monday.  Monday comes and I go to work.  At work, my supervisor came and told me what had happened.   When I first started work instead of creating a new spreadsheet for me to clock my hours in, they used an old one form someone who doesn't work there anymore, and just changed the name on the file.  However, when it came time to turn my hours in, I printed off my time sheet for the last two weeks, signed it and turned it in.   I missed, along with whoever did it, that the old employee's name was on top in the spot indicating who get's paid.  So they had paid someone who doesn't work there anymore.   They worked it out and gave me my paycheck by the end of the day.  They also created me a new spreadsheet so it wouldn't happen again.     God is good to me.  

During all that time (about a month), my budgeting program kept telling me that if I pay off my credit card bill, I'd have nearly -$4.00 in my bank.   And I needed money for fuel.  But, as usual, God provides in His own sort of way, and in a timing of many months ago!  

Wait?  You mean to say that God provided for what you in your need now, He provided that months ago???

Yup!   I didn't realize it until the need came.  During the fall months of 2017 I had found, twice, a BP Fuel gift card on my car.  In total, $75 in Fuel gift cards.   I was saving them for one of the many trips I thought I would take.  However, each time it came time to take one of those trips, it fell through.  I wasn't too thrilled at the time but it was such a blessing.   He also allowed me to pick up the flu over Christmas and to be sick for 2+ weeks so that I didn't travel over that time, so I didn't drive and use fuel during that time, and so that I could not get it while the children and employees I work with are picking up the sickness.    Then when it came time to fill up and I had no money, God reminded me that I have the gift cards.   Between driving to my appointments and carpooling with Bethany and Jesse, I had exactly enough to last me until I got paid!  

God is soo Good!    He provides in His own way and in His own timing!  Even that timing may come as a surprise when it sometimes was something He had already provided for and I just didn't see it.  God is Perfect in all His ways, in all that He does and in everything He works out.   God ... is .... Good!

A Day of Hearts

Happy Valentines Day!!!   Today I went to Prairie Christian School (PCS) and read a book to their kindergarten classroom.  1) This was the assignment I was really struggling to understand that my aunt Renee helped me with, and 2) Renee helped arrange this book-reading opportunity - well she actually did a lot more than just help!   It went really well.   There were some awkward moments at the beginning before they became comfortable with me, when I would ask a question and they just stared at me silent.   They soon warmed up and engaged to the questions and provided interesting stories of their own that related to the book.  The book was If You Give A Pig A Party.    Ironically the teacher had just read them an If You Give A... book to them yesterday, and had at least 3-4 others she just got from the library.  

Today I wore my yellow minion shirt with a red tie covered in white hearts that a kindergartner gave me last year for Valentines Day up in Canada.

After leaving PCS I headed to school / work.   I worked today, but work is technically at school.    I worked form 10:30 am to 3:30 pm in the busiest Preschool room, ages 3-5, mostly 3-year-olds.  They were all quite hyper and most of them had already handed out their valentines - I found a small pile of them for me on the teacher's desk.    Some of the kids had been their from 7:30am - and they were all quite hyped up.    To add to the bonus of the day there was "treats" for the teachers in the break room and the lounge that consisted of chips (2 kinds), salsa, guacamole, and cookie cake.    Plus Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for the student workers.   As usual, the day went really quick and sure didn't seem anywhere near five hours.   God is Good!

Not The Only One

Last week I was really overwhelmed in school to the point where I was considering dropping a class.   However, God is so Good, Monday night (this week), the day before I had class again, my aunt Renee came and asked me how it was going and I shared what I was going through.  She offered to sit down with me and go through the assignment that was stressing me out the most.    She offered her time to help me out and it was such a blessing!   She struggled to understand some of it too, but got a lot further than I did.   Because of that I went to class the next day a lot more confident in the class and less stressed.   When I got to class, I found that I wasn't the only one who had no idea what to do.  Yes there were only four of us there (there are five kids in this Child Development class), and only one knew what to do - and come to find out she only partially knew what she needed to do.   So the professor once again, to my amazement, spent the entire day walking each of us through it.   This was the class that the professor said on the first day that we are not allowed to get behind because we don't have time for it, we cover so much.   It looks like she may be sacrificing some course content to help us understand, I really respect that.    Plus, the professor pushed the due date back from this Thursday to this Saturday!   God is so Good!  

The Car In The Cold

Just an update on my car:

All praise be to God, my car has been starting in the mornings.  This morning is was single digits, and my car struggled a bit and it took a few times trying, but it was like God breathed heat into it and she started right up.  Thank you Dad!  

Connection, Continuation, & Communion

This Sunday I went to Eastview Church in Normal, Illinois again.   I actually had gone set up with a guy to meet after the first service to talk about connecting in their young adults program.   I stayed up a little late Saturday night, so I went for second service, but go there a half an hour early to meet this guy.   He shared how the young adults program is new (as in the last 2-3 years) and they currently have three to four hundred people in 40 different groups involved.   At first I thought that he made a mistake in those numbers, but then I remembered that this church has like six thousand people - it's a big church.   Anyways this guy share a bit more about the church and the program and then asked what my school/work schedule was so he could find me a group that meets at a time that I'd be able to make.   He found one, and connected me to the leader of the group.  The group of guys meets on Friday nights, I think at the leader's house - I'm not sure about that yet.   The ages of the guys in the group range from 18-30 (or some number around there), including the leader.  I am hoping to get connected with them and move on from there.    I am still praying about it, but thus far I have felt peace about remaining at Eastview Church for the time being.  

The Service was also really good.   Funny thing is, when I first came to Eastview back in Oct or Nov 2017, it was the first week the church had started going through the book of Joshua.   Last Sunday the were finishing up Chapter 6 of the book of Joshua, and this past Sunday we started Chapter 7.   I was told that we will be going through the book of Joshua for the rest of 2018 and maybe more into 2019.   They take their study's slow and dig deep.  And I really like this.  We actually started this past Sunday a 4-week sermon series on Achan - the man who took some silver and items from Jericho and buried them under his tent (Joshua 7).  

I also found that Eastview has a bit different process of Communion (at least different than any church I've been in).  They do Communion every Sunday, and I believe it is to keep us in constant reminder of Christ and what He did for us.  

At the end of the service this past Sunday the pastor transitioned the end of his message into a time of worship and prayer.  He invited people to come up front for prayer.  I wasn't planning to go up, but I kept feeling this tug on my heart.  I asked God what I should ask for prayer for.  So I ended up going up for prayer to be able to let go of a number of things that have been stressing me out, to let go of things that are holding me back, to let go of weight that I've been carrying that is not mine to bare.    It was quite releasing - Thank you God! :)

Love So Deep

Last Sunday I felt like God was directing me to go to Eastview Church in Normal, Illinois.   During the worship portion of the service I felt a freedom that I haven't felt in a long while, a freedom to worship in a greater depth.   Likewise at the end of the service they did communion and God answered one of my prayers right then and there.  I had been praying for God to show me more of His love and that I may see a greater extent and expanse of His love.  He showed it to me.  He reminded me of many pictures and visions that He's shown me in the past, and brought them all together to the point where I was crying at how unworthy I am of His love.  

During worship at the end of the service we sang a 'Victory' song (after communion).  God made His love so real to me.   Jesus bore every curse.  Then I saw His love, washing over me.   John 15:15 says that I am Christ's Friend!  There is no greater love than to give your life for one's friend.  "God I don't deserve this love.   I am not worthy of this love. God what did I do to deserve this love?"   God replied, "nothing."   Love.  Love so deep, love so pure, Love!  In the sadness, in the midst of tears and emotions, this morning's Life Journal entry came into play: Joy Unspeakable Joy!  I was mixed with awe, unspeakable Joy, laughter and tears.   God's Love!   I did nothing for it, yet He gave it.  He told me HE knew how 'evil' people would get, yet He chose to let us be.  He could have killed off Adam and Eve or Noah, but He didn't.  He knew that such pain and brokenness would fill the earth, yet He Loved us, He Loved me! God oh what Joy!  An answer to prayer, even this morning's prayer: to experience, to know His Love more, to know His Love deeper.  Thank you Lord!  Thank you Lord!

Prayer Request

Aside from the prayer request off the the right side, here is another one.   I have been really overwhelmed lately, and have been struggling to not only stay focused but to also to keep going.  I have had a quite hard week emotionally with school.   I skipped the ISU (Illinois State University) Apostolic Christian Young Group that I usually attend on Thursday.  Why? Thursday was a really hard day emotionally with school and I had an early morning on Friday.  Thinking Thursday morning that I would skip Bible Study to come home and get to bed early, I actually drove to a friend's house in Tremont (~about an hour away) to talk.   She has been a good friend of our family for years.  She really helped me and slowly walked me through a bit of what I am going through and then gave me some suggestions and things to think on and pray about.

Roll'n On

My car has continued to roll on even as it seems to not b perfect. (hmm, a good life analogy in there, haha).   I took my car to the shop in Gridley and it came out saying that the reason for it not starting may be a glow plug problem, however Ben Koch, a Great diesel mechanic (he use to work on my car - I bought the car from his dad) says that he wouldn't touch the plugs since their are not engine codes for them.   So my job now is to find a mechanic who is comfortable working of German cars and take it to him to see what could be wrong - the Gridley shop said they don't have the tools to dig into it (this seems to be a common thread among German cars - Jonathan's Mercedes Benz had the same issue with mechanics).  If you know anyone that might be comfortable with that let me know.     Also, even though the Gridley shop didn't think the engine shaking was the engine mounts, Ben thought that was the most likely reason.  

Playing Hooky

I stayed home playing hooky today.  I skipped my first hour class and my second hour class and I might even skip my third class.  Why would I do that you ask?   Simple: my second class is an out of class work day . . . and my car won’t start.  I had it hiked to Jesse’s car to jumpstart it for over 40 minutes and it still wouldn’t start.   Yes the battery did sound a lot stronger afterwards.  So it seems that the battery is not the problem.  My car also had this problem yesterday morning except when my dad warmed the car up it started.  Today has been a bit trickier.  At my uncle Steve’s suggestion, him, my cousin Jesse and I all pushed the car into the garage.  It was a bit of work.  (It also may be helpful to know that it is less than 10*F outside and we have 5-8 inches of snow).  Currently my car is in our garage with the hood up and a big tarp covering the whole hood area of the car, creating a tent-like area inside.  Inside this “tent” is a heater.   The thought is the fuel may have gelled up again like it did over Christmas.  It shouldn’t as I added a diesel antigel to the fuel last time I filled up.  But we will see.  If I can get it started I may take I may take it into a shop to see if they can find out what’s wrong with my car.  

Health & Alergy Shots

Health wise I am still not at 100%.  I've had a dry and sore throat for the past week or so and it is no fun at all.    I am wondering if it may be caused by the medicine I am taking, but it's too early to tell for sure if that is it or not.  Either way I don't feel fully functional, even though I mostly am.   I am still praying that this sickness or whatever it is will pass.   Because I have not gotten fully better since Christmas, I have been unable to get my allergy shots.   Right now I am over 3.5 years (out of 5 years) into these shots and I get them on a monthly basis.  One problem is I was suppose to get my shot the first couple days in January, over three weeks ago.  The other problem is, due to safety and health reasons, they won't give me the shot if I even have a small cough - I've been turned down before for that.  I have to be in FULL health before they will give me my shots, with good reason.   However, since Christmas, I have not been in FULL health, thus I am getting close to being a whole month behind on my shots, I don't know what they will say, but I know it will put me back a ton.  They do have some limit, that if I am late too much or too long I have to start the whole 3.5 years over again.  I am hoping that this won't be the case, and I don't think it will be a huge problem.  But I am praying that my health will return, not only for the shots, but also because it is quite miserable at times and is not a pleasure to have.

Decisions, Decisions & More Decisions

So, through much prayer and thought, I did decide not to go on the young group missions trip to Mexico this spring over March Break.   I do have to figure out if I want to work over that week or not yet, as I had requested the week off of work prior to deciding not to go on the trip.  

I do have some short traveling options coming up over the next few months that I still am praying and thinking about.   From driving an hour and a half to both of my grandma's places, to traveling to a nearby state to spend time with relatives, to traveling 1,000 miles down to Texas to spend time with my immediate family.   I have put minimal prayer and thought into these and I hope to put more in before deciding on them.  I would love prayer for wisdom and guidance on these. (Just a thought I just thought of while writing this is, if any of this traveling would fall in either January or February, I am wondering if traveling would be considered a spending expense? I wonder that because I committed at the beginning of the year that I wasn't going to use any spending money for January or February.  I suppose I will need to pray and think on that as well).  

And to be honest, I am thinking about if I want to stay in the Gridley AC church or not.   I know I haven't really been going there that long, and time is a key part in all of this.   I feel that I haven't really connected well.   When you have someone in the Apostolic Christian Church who has grown up in the church and married someone in the church, there is little to no concept of not knowing anyone.   But not connecting well, is something that is likely to happen in any church, especially after only a couple months, if that.    I understand that this will involve time, and this will likely not happen overnight.   I know that I have connected better at other churches and I feel more comfortable at other churches, yet I really want to avoid comparing churches in the sense that they are all the body of Christ.  It's like a I once heard someone say, "We all have frosting on the cupcake, but we have different sprinkles."   This is not a salvation thing, it is not a life or death thing, it's a sprinkles thing.   Also meaning, it shouldn't be that big of a deal either way.   To be honest I'm not sure.   I know that God's shown me a lot by going to the Gridley AC church, even though I don't feel that comfortable there.  I know that God will work all things together for good for me, even if I stay in this church.    At this point, I don't know.  I want to stand confidently on one thing or another, but honestly I don't know.   I could also use prayer on this.  

Multi-Million Dollar Mansion

This past Saturday was the ISU (Illinois State University) AC Young Group's Winter Retreat.   I was planning to go, but last minute decided not to as my textbooks that I had ordered came in and I realized that it would be too overwhelming for me to go to the Retreat and the try to cram all the reading in when I got back.    Yes it was only a one day Retreat, but still it would of been difficult for me.  Primarily as I know that I become overwhelmed very easily, especially with reading and writhing (part of my dyslexia) and when I become too overwhelmed my mind just shuts down.  I am really working to be able to come out of an overwhelming time without a shut down, but it is still hard - it's a work in progress.   Anyways I stayed home and spent probably 4-5 hours reading from the textbooks that came in (one was late).   Bethany (who was a work that morning) texted me and offered that I could ride with her to the Retreat that evening.  She was leaving at 4:00 PM after work.   I got enough homework done that this worked out.   And I am glad I did, it was a ton of fun!   The retreat was in Morton, Illinois at Encore, the huge mansion just out of town.  Here are a few pictures I got from realtor.com of this place, it was absolutely gorgeous.

And we (basically) had free reign in the house, with respect of course.   But it was really cool, so beautiful and amazing!   Shortly after Bethany and I got there they started the evening session.   The session was based in Colossians 1, and was on prayer.  After about 30 or so minutes of the session, we were handed a half sheet of paper with a few questions on it.   We were told to go throughout the house and find a quite place by ourselves for twenty minutes.   For the first five minutes we were to pray, then five minutes answering the first question (Describe God, What are God's attributes), then five minutes on writing "What is my personal prayer?" (based on our session that night), and finally, five minutes on the third question, "What is your prayer for the group?".   The top of the sheet read, "After reflecting on Colossians 1, create a heart-felt, honest PRAYER to become your semester/year/life prayer:"I actually didn't make it this far, in fact I didn't do what I was suppose to do, entirely.

During that time I went up to a solidarity place knowing that God was present there, and just spent time with God.   I knew that God was speaking to me and working in me through the session and now in the time of prayer.   I spent quite a bit more than five minutes in prayer, just talking and pouring my heart out to God.   It was really releasing.  Then I started with the first "question" on the page, "List out attributes of God:" Describe God, who is He, both in bible words and in my own words.   This is where I spent most of my time during this alone time.    I thought to myself, "okay, who is God to me?"  So I started to jot down words that described that, "Dad, Father, love, provider, comforter, forgiver, perfecter of unconditional love, joy, cares, takes care, gives, heals brokenness, picks up, leads/leader, listener..." then I also started thinking of who He is, what He does, Him. "...Inventor, artist, creative, beautiful, big smile, compassionate, never fails, never leaves, comes to me, walks with me, patient: He waits for me, perfect correcter, alive, strong,courageous, bold, mighty, has authority, creator, matchless, beyond imaginable, relentless, marvelous,..." I tried to only jot down words or phrases that described Him to me.  Meaning words or phrases that He may be, but I haven't experienced Him to be that yet or I don't get that yet, I didn't write down those words. "...Builder, finisher, carpenter, responds in love, taker, generous, kind, peaceful, trust, restorer, His laughter brings joy, King, Lord, counselor, talker, unchanging, perfect, revealer, joyful, God, loves me more than anyone else loves me, Good, wonderful, wisdom, guide, hope, life, comedian, lifts up, everywhere, Awesome, overcomer, mysterious,..." By now the 20 minutes I started with will well past, but I didn't care.   I needed God more than whatever else was going on, so I stayed there with Him in His presence, alone.   I felt like I really needed this time, needed to hear what He was saying, needed to write out what I saw, what I see Him as.  Especially with all the struggles I've been going through and how down I've been feeling, I felt that I really needed to dig deep inside and express who I really know God to be. "...Potter, gracious, observant, stirs, full, engaging, perfect timing, not limited, perfect, undoubting, saving, well, almighty, supports, speaks, hears, stretches, 3-persons, trinity, judge, loving, unchanging, Jesus, Holy Spirit, light, trainer, responsible, reliable, seeks, humble,..." I was near if not in tears through this.  I thought back to what I had experienced God to be, primarily over the last three years. "...Papa, refreshing, in me, glowing, radiant, secures, the foundation of life, the corner stone, friendly, blesses, gives gives and gives, rewarder holy holy holy, was and is and is to come, supreme, magnificent, seeks and finds, caller, washes me, righteous, true, fruitful, united threesome, greater, stronger, higher, starter, being, servant, celebrates, rejoices, comes, here,..." Through this all I was also reminding myself and trying to think of how I would describe God to someone.  If someone out of the blue walked up to me and asked me who God was, what would I say?  What words would I use to describe Him? What experiences declare who He is?  "...mindful, peace, honourable, heart-toucher, commander, willing, spirit, abundant, encourager, worker, plentiful, cleaner, glorified, author, writer, collector, fearless, protector, adopter, everlasting, Holy, hugger (gives the best hugs), transforms finite, restores, abides, embraces, gardener, planter, Shepherd, diligent, blessed, trustworthy, honest, honouring, cool, brilliant, beaming, merciful, faithful, strategic, all seeing, all knowing, all powerful, worthwhile, purposeful intentional, intimate, there, friend, open, thoughtful, fills and overflows, produces, chooses, delights."

I know that I could of gone on, but I did stop there.   By then my paper was pretty much full, and I hadn't gotten to the next two parts yet.   I then spent some time in prayer, then moved to the personal prayer.  However I didn't do what I was really suppose to do here.  Yes I did write a personal prayer, but it wasn't the one that would become my semester/year/life prayer. I simply just wrote out my talk to God.  I poured out to Him in writing where I was.   It filled the rest of the front of that page and much of the back too.  I opened up and spoke things that I felt that I hadn't really mentioned before.   I felt complete freedom to be fully open and release everything.

I was up there for well over an hour, yet it seemed like five minutes to me.   When I came down everyone had gathered in the foyer for worship singing.   Many of the songs were hard to follow and some I didn't.  Most if not all of the students there have grown up in the AC church and with these songs (not all the songs), so it seemed easy for them to sing by heart.  Though not knowing them I found them hard to follow and understand, especially since most of them they didn't announce what song they were going to do (and in general why would you.  If everyone knows the songs they will join in when the hear the words or even the tune of the first line).  But for me, when I could pick up what a line or two was, I would google it on my phone in hopes that the song would come up so I could find the lyrics.  Some I was able to find lyrics for, others I couldn't - I found that some hymns have less appropriate secular songs named after them on Google.  

After singing, we cleaned up the house and those who stayed after played a group game.  Jesse and I stayed till the end of the evening.   We turned off most of the lights, and played Sardines, and Live Mafia.   Both were a ton of fun, especially in the house we were in, and in the dark.    In the end I was really glad that I went and found it quite beneficial personally.

Thank you God for blessing me so much, I couldn't experience all this without you!

How's Daycare Going?

So I've now worked at my new job for just over a week and some of you have been asking what I think of it.  I love it!   Time flies by so quickly.  I am in there for 5 hours a day and it feels like little more than an hour.  It's absolutely amazing.  It's a gift from God.  I get to do something I love and I am good at and I get paid for it.    Even though the earliest I ever start is 10:30 AM, some kids arrive there as early as 7:30 AM and are gone by 5:00 PM.    The facility is set up as a daycare not a school.    As far as I know, when I am there, it is not necessarily structured like a classroom.  Yes they have the routine schedules and such, but there isn't classroom-like learning going on throughout the day.   The daycare does serve the kids complimentary breakfast and lunch plus an afternoon snack.   And the food they serve isn't just a small little of this and that, they have decent meals (us teachers and assistants get to eat with them too).   When I was there on Monday we had for lunch, meatloaf, buns, and pears with milk and a snack of goldfish.  Wednesday (yesterday) for lunch we had chicken and pasta casserole with cooked veggies and thawing (still really cold) strawberries.   They can eat all they can but there are a few rules first.   They are strongly encouraged to try a bit of everything, even if they don't like it, before they can have seconds of anything.  

For snack yesterday (Wednesday) we had quite a big addition.   Snack was pita chips and hummus.  However one of the girls in the class had a birthday so her mom brought in popsicles.   Normally kids only eat snack if they feel like it, well actually that's always how it is.   Snack is right after nap.   So we normally have only a few kids for snack, depending on what the snack is.  But yesterday everyone had a snack, because not only did they get pita chips, hummus, and a popsicle, but they got something else too.  Pizza!  One of the kids in our class, his mom works at a pizza shop.  So she was so kind as to bring in pizza for everyone.    Even all the helpers and some parents got snack yesterday.  

At this point I do not know what I get paid for this job, but that isn't a huge concern of mine.   Last Friday was the day time cards were due, so I hope either by this Friday or early next week I'll get paid.