Spring Break: Pricey, Painful, & Invaluable

Oh my, where to begin? I am quite behind on my blog updates as life has been extremely overwhelming and packed full the past few weeks - I hope to get to that though in a future post.   This post is planned to be focused on my Spring Break.   I usually refrain from making posts terrible long, but since a lot happened in this time, it may be a bit longer than usual.  

Spring Break.   Spring break was two weeks ago.  Spring Break did not go as planned.   Spring Break was expensive.  Spring Break was painful.  Spring Break: let’s dive in!   I had thoughts a long while ago to join my two cousins (that I live with) on our Young Group’s missions trip down to Mexico over Spring Break.  However through thinking and praying about it, I had decided against going.  I was worried that I would feel too overwhelmed with homework and required readings over that time.   I am glad that I decided not to go.   For the past six or so months I have been trying to figure out a time to head out to Fort Wayne, Indiana to spend time with relatives out there.  Each time I have tried to go, God has stopped it or told me not to go.  And even though I have not wanted to follow His lead each time, each time He has worked it for something much better.   The weekend going into Spring Break I had decided to ask if it would be a good time for me to come, since I had the time off.  I had requested the week off work (including the Monday after) prior to declining the Missions trip, as I thought I would be in Mexico.  After I decided not to go, my work Okayed my request off work.  So I kept it as some rest and catch up time, or so I thought I would.  

Anyways prior to asking my aunt if I could come I felt that still small voice saying, “no”.   But I really wanted to ask.   Yet I heard, “no, why would you ask if you are not going to go?”  But since I had already made up my mind, I asked.   And what do you know, they came back with the answer I was looking for.  The offered that Thursday through Sunday I could stay with them during Spring Break!   Yeah I was excited.  But I didn’t have peace.   All throughout the weekend prior to the week of Spring Break, I felt that still small voice tell me over, and over, and over again to tell my aunt I am not coming.  I did not like it at all.   I knew that if it was God, He had something better – He always does – but I had finally made a plan I have been waiting for for a long time!   No way was I going to stop that.   But God remained persistently gentle.    He kept pressing on me to contact my aunt.  Sunday night, I think, I contacted my aunt and told her that I wasn’t having peace about coming and I felt that God may be saying no, but that as I really want to come, I would continue to pray about it.  She completely understood and that gave me peace too. 

Monday I went to spend the night with my grandma’s as I was taking my car to the automotive shop in her town (about an hour and fifteen minutes away).  That particular shop has proved it’s trustworthiness to me and noticed the problems that the local shop here did not.   I took my car in a little proud that for the first time in a long time I actually had money budgeted for my car repairs!  Thanks to my dad’s advice (to budget $100 a month into car repairs) and God’s provision of a job and such, I had $182 set aside for this repair.    I was a little prideful about it, and quite happy too.   Though God quite humbled me from it when the shop called and estimated a $700 repair.   One that was painful – two that was even more painful since I had just over $1,100 in my bank account and my next paycheck would be under $80 (in two weeks) since I was out over Spring Break.   But my car needed the repair so I told them to fix it.   They got it fixed later than expected because another problem arouse while fixing two of the engine mounts.  The ball and joint from my tire to my axle that they had replaced back in January was faulty and causing more problems because it was a cheap Chinese part.  I do not blame them for this problem – neither they nor I had any idea that the cheaper part would cause these problems, and I was thankful they used a cheaper part at the time.   On the bright side, it took less time to put the mounts in, so the total cost was still just over $700.   Then again on the down side, the repairs did help but not enough.   Some transmission mounts needed to be replaced – which still didn’t fix it (they were replaced this past week) but really helped the car from shaking so much.  But it was nearly another $200.  Thankfully my dad gave me some of my college fund money early to help prevent my bank account from dropping below zero, and it did come within $10 or less of doing so.  Thank you God.  The car problems were one possible reason I figured God may have not allowed me to go to Indiana.  Well, that is until Tuesday night, on Spring Break.  

Tuesday night I was playing a good game of Rummy with my grandma, as we do most good evenings :).    As the game came to a close I took a glance at my phone that set my world into a spin.   I had one message, one from my aunt in Canada, which started, “Just letting you know that Wayne Kuepfer died of a heart attack today….” My heart broke and spilled out all over.  I didn’t know I could feel that pain at this time, nor did I ever expect nor want to hear those words.    Wayne Kuepfer was the dad a friend, an SLI classmate for two years, Janette Kuepfer; the husband of a good friend, Loretta Kuepfer; the father of five grown kids; and a friend to many, many people.  He was three months away from becoming a grandfather of twins – he was so excited about becoming a grandfather!   To me, I didn’t know him super well, but from what I did know of him, he was like a dad to me.   I had spent time to talk to him about loves, pains, confusions, questions and more.   I went to him one night at 10PM and he was just leaving for work, and he stopped what he was doing and we sat in his van for nearly an hour as he let me pour out what was on my heart, and then walk and talk me through it, give me valuable wisdom and advice, and pray with me.   I do not know a ton of people that I can do that with.  

To hear that he had died, crushed my world.   Over the next couple days, life was really heavy.   Homework that I had planned to get done, got nowhere, rest and relaxation that I had hoped to get over break was nowhere to be seen.  I didn’t know what to think, what to do, what to feel, and so on.   I felt lost and deeply pained.   Now I can’t imagine what the family felt.  Wayne was only 55, had no serious health problems that I know of that could of led to this or anything.    It was just out of the blue.   Not only that, but he was also at work when it happened.  Wayne was a truck driver for Home Hardware (a Big Canadian home and hardware company).  He was doing an overnight delivery.  So he was in a different province, sleeping in his truck when he died.   I still do not feel like it’s real.   It has been really hard, for lack of better words. 

Anyways, Thursday night I decided that I had peace and permission with God to make a trip to Canada for the weekend to support the Keupfer family and go to the funeral.   I left Friday morning at 4:00am and had little to no traffic.  My GPS took me an unusual route that didn’t take me through Chicago, which was nice, and the drive when well.  At the boarder they didn’t ask a ton of questions, though they did ask if I have had problems with immigration in the past.  I told them ‘no.  I came in January 2017 without proof that I would return and I was turned back.  Today I have proof just in case.’  I had my Student ID card along with the signed document from my work confirming my request for these days off.   The boarder guard didn’t even look at my “proof”, he let me in – Thank you God!    That was only by you God!   I made it up in about 8.5 hours – which I would say is very good for that trip.   I had asked my aunt Laura for permission to stay with them that weekend, and she was okay with it :).  Otherwise I didn’t tell anyone I was coming up.  I knew that my purpose for being in Canada was not for friends, and if I told everyone it would be too much of a stress trying to get together with all my friends in the short time I had.    I had to keep reminding myself that throughout the weekend and it really helped me have peace with not hanging out with everyone.  My purpose was for the funeral and to support the Keupfer family, not for friends.  Hopefully God will allow me sometime soon to come up to be with friends but it wasn’t for this trip.  Yes I did get so spend time with friends, but it wasn’t the main focus of the trip.   I got there on Friday, and the Funeral was on Monday.

Friday night I went and surprised a few friends and chatted with them for a bit.  Then we all went to Heart & Home, the connect group that I use to go to while I was in Canada, and we surprised them there as well.    It was a really good time, such a blessing to me. It was really encouraging to be with friends and such a well-connected, loving and caring group!  Friday I was up for 22 hours, I was surprised to find that I didn’t crash until the wee hours of Saturday morning. 

Saturday morning, I got up early (Praise God for a good sleep!) to go to Healing School at Koinonia – a once a month “class” that is encouraging, powerful and complete with prayer!  God blessed me that it was this weekend.  Through the two hour “class” God really worked on my heart where I have been experiencing lots of doubt the past number of months.   He challenged me to the core, and built up a powerful confidence in me!   At the end, normally anyone who needs any sort of healing will go up to the front for prayer.  However the leader told us this time that as Jesus told us to lay hands on the sick, we were not told that it always had to be someone else.   So everyone who wanted healing, laid their own hands on wherever they needed healing, and we all prayed corporately.   I had pain in my back, neck, hips, knees, and chest and since I didn’t have that many hands, I placed my hands on the two most painful areas – the left knee and the back of the neck.   We prayed and I was excited.   God worked supernatural healing then – though I didn’t know it then.  I look back now, a week and a half later, and the chest pain that someone guessed was a fracture though it was never checked for sure, that I’d had on some of my left ribs that had been very sharp pain for two weeks, was suddenly gone, just gone!   WOW GOD!   But it gets better.   The Chronic neck, upper middle and lower back, hip, and knee pains that I’ve had with some super sharp pains for many months – some for years – are now almost entirely gone!!!!!!!!!   And if that isn’t proof, I haven’t taken my pain killers nor my muscle relaxers in over a week and a half – in fact I didn’t take the muscle relaxers that Saturday nor the Friday before that – just because I forgot!!! GOD is Soooooo Goooood!!!!!!! Praise be to GOD!!!!  

After healing school was over, as everyone was getting up and chatting, I started to gather my things together and get my coat on, after chatting with a few people.   As I was doing so, a lady whom I know, but I didn’t have time to recognize and place a name with, came up and grabbed my hand and then left.   She had left a $20 bill in my hand.   I thanked God, but was struck with the thought I had no idea what it was for.  Normally when God provides, I feel like I know what it is for.    But I was struck that I had no idea what this was for, I couldn’t think of a good use for it, and saving wasn’t terribly ideal since it was a Canadian $20 bill.  So, I stuffed it in my pocket, and forgot about it.  If God brought it my way, He has a use for it.  I do not need to worry about it, I just have to let Him do that work.   And I forgot about it.   

Later, as I was leaving Healing School, I got to meet a good friend, Heather, again.  It was so energizing to re-engage in conversation with her and to just catch up.   She is like bubbles of joy, breathing God’s love and grace, on fire for God and what He is doing in The Church and the world! I love it!  She is so amazing!   Anyways as we were talking, (another lady was there too), Heather had mentioned she was going to see I Can Only Imagine with a group of girls that afternoon, and she invited the lady that was standing there to join her.    I felt God’s prompting to give this lady they $20, so I did, and it blessed her up and down.  It was so amazing, and I am thrilled that God would use me to be part of this blessing!   Anyways, Heather and I then talked for quite a while and we didn’t want to stop, but our schedules said otherwise.   

Here is a picture we took together:

I then went to the St. Jacob’s Farmer’s Market and walked around and shopped for a half an hour or so.   Then I went to the Mall and hung out with a buddy for a little over three hours.  It was such a God blessing to be there with him in person and to chat, walk and talk, and pray together!    God is good!

I then went home for a bit and spent some time with God in prep for Wayne’s visitation that evening.    There was a visitation on Saturday, and two on Sunday, I only went to the Saturday one.   God really prepared my heart for the visitation and it was quite emotional.    There was an hour and a half to a two hour wait to go through the visitation line – there were tons of people – Wayne had a HUGE impact on TONS of people!  The second half of the waiting time, I sat next to Heather again, and we chatted away and totally had a lot of fun and learning.    God was visibly present.   Going through the line was hard, looking in the casket especially.   I still don’t fully feel the reality that Wayne is gone.  Yes he is much happier now and is living with Jesus in heaven now, but it’s hard to accept that God allowed him to go this early.   Talking with the Keupfer family was hard too.  I didn’t say much, and in truth, I didn’t know what to say, I felt at loss.   I was encouraged with talking with Loretta, her thoughts and where she was at was hard to hear but also encouraging as God was clearly shining out of her and her family!   As I was walking out, I caught up with a few friends and we chatted for a bit.   I got home late again Saturday night.

Sunday I got up early again, (Again, only by God did I get good and sufficient sleep) to go to both the 9 and 11 O’clock services and to the 8:30 corporate prayer beforehand.   It was refreshing to be reconnected with some friends and family (I haven’t been up there in 8-9 months).   And the Service and worship was really good as well.    After church I went home and tried to get some homework done, but I didn’t get far before it started to put me to sleep. I just chilled Sunday afternoon.    Sunday night I had a last minute plan change – from staying home to going to a movie with some friends.    It, again was great to be with some friends again, but even more some, I had some overwhelmingly encouraging, heart-touching, and just-what-I-needed conversations with God during the movie.    Afterwards we stayed at the theater and chatted for a while.   I got home late again on Sunday night.  

Monday wasn’t super early of a day, but I still got up in good time.  I had to pack and get ready for the funeral.   I got to Koinonia early, and there was a steady flow of people flowing in.   I was privileged to sit up front, just behind the Keupfer family and extended family, with an SLI classmate (Rosalie) and her family, which I’ve also gotten to know a little bit.   The funeral was packed – I believe it was well over 500 people though I do not know numbers for sure.  The hour and a half service consisted of worship, memories of Wayne and who he was, talks from his wife, kids, siblings, friends, and co-workers, and God all in-between it all.   It was beautiful and really hard (and funny at times).   I am thankful for Kleenexes.    They also live-streamed the service and it is on YouTube now.   After the service there were refreshments and lots of fellowship.  I ended up staying longer than I had planned and even nearly an hour after I put my coat on to go.   God spoke some powerful things into my life that weekend that may have changed my pursuit of Him and upped to the next state of what He’s been teaching – I hopefully when expound on this further down the road in future posts.  

As I left, I started with prayer and proper GPS destinations.   I was also reminded of a fuel gift card I was given 8.5 months ago when I was up in Canada.  I found it in my glove box and come to find out it still had over $30 left on it – just what I needed.    As I pulled into the same gas station and the same pump that I had used this card on 8.5 months ago, I was reminded that what God provided for so long ago, was still providing now.  Praise God!  He is so good!!  

I had an invite to stop half way through my return trip in Indiana with my relatives, but I felt God wanted me to go straight home – and I’m glad He did.  I made good time and was home before 11:00Pm, and at the boarder I had the quickest conversation with the guard I think I have ever had, no problem what so ever.  God is good!   But the trip home was really powerful and hard.  It was full of reflection and processing the day and the weekend and the past week.  It was processing more of the reality that Wayne was dead.    I cried for hours.   God spoke powerfully and directly and with peace and comfort.  He is soo Goood!   I was blessed for the whole weekend and though caused lots of sorrow and pain and stress, it was also full of peace, joy, and life.    It was just what I needed.   God is so Good!