Surfacing Emotions

After staying at the church late Friday night, I headed home.  On the way home I put on some worship music and told the Holy Spirit to come.  Though some focus was on driving, now was a time that I could also focus on God more.   I was alone and had worship music on.  I didn’t think that He would come like He did though.  Praise God that He came, I am so blessed.  He came as a person in the passenger seat and I just felt that I could talk to Him about some struggles that I’ve never confessed to anyone, including myself.    I told Him how scared and worried I was.  So many "What if...?"'s, "How will I...?"'s, "When will I...?"'s, and "what...?"'s. So many questions, fears, worries, and thoughts.    As I was saying them, and God was speaking through the songs and directly to me, I started crying.  I was so strange to literally be bawling while driving.  If felt good though to be able to release what’s been inside of me for so long.   I had put my arm around the passenger seat as though I was putting it around the Holy Spirit and that helped keep me focused.  He spoke to me so much encouragement, and most of all, He just listened with encouragement.   At one point I just felt Him telling me to pull over (since I was close to Crosshill) and finish this before getting home.  I was on the side of the road for a long time bawling.   God worked many things then.   After a long while, I knew that I should be getting home and to bet, since Midnight was approaching.   But I didn’t want to leave the Lord’s presence.   What slowly got me to ease off of crying so much and eventually back to driving, was when I realized that I was on my last Kleenex.   Oh, God did so much there, I hope that He continues to do that work.  Thank you Lord!   - to be honest, I don’t remember  when I’ve cried that much.  I know that I’ve said that in previous posts before, but this time I cried harder, purer, and even more.  God is slowly pulling my different emotions to the surface.   Praise God, He has a plan.