Flood of Emotions

Saturday evening:  As I was washing the dishes, the whole time I just felt very emotional.  I had no idea what it was, but I knew that I needed to find out.  While I was washing, I put my headphones on and played the playlist 25 Most Played Songs and I put it on shuffle.  Even though it was on shuffle the only music that played was music from Oto and Liz and there old band (our Missions Pastor and his wife). The music is good Spanish and English mix songs.   The songs really set the mood for how I was feeling (emotional) in a way I've never felt with that music.   I figured that after dishes I needed to get alone, really alone with God and figure out what I'm so emotional about.  So I did just that.   After dishes, I got my bible, journal, pens, and water and went for a drive.  I felt the whole way like I could cry, I just felt like I could burst out in tears (but I didn't know why).

As I was driving up a hill, I noticed the beautiful sunset.  I couldn't see the sun, but one side of the sky was full of beautiful darker clouds, and the other sided had a few lighter clouds.  In-between these two opposites in the sky was nothing, but it was very bright.   I thought that it looked like the darker clouds (darkness) was overcoming the lighter clouds (light).  But then, as I came to the top of the hill, I saw the sun, the source of the light.  It was shining through the darker clouds, showing life.  I way green rolling hills and realized that this scene was life.   Through the ups and downs (hills) in life & when  the darkness comes quick and large, God will shine through it all.  That scene of life Will be beautiful, for God makes all things good.

When I got to a quiet place out on a gravel road in the middle of the country, I stopped.   I let the emotions flow, asking God to show me what the emotions are for or from.  Then I, feeling sad, hurt and broken hearted, just started crying, like I haven't done in a long time.  While I was crying I was trying to think of why I am crying.   That's when God popped the verse into my head, Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn."   For part of the time, I felt like I was crying with someone.  

After a bit I felt some of the untouched emotions of my grandpa's death coming.  I cried more, just letting some of these emotions out.  I still don't feel like I've let them all out, but I'm glad I was able to get some out.   I still don't know the ENTIRE purpose of all my crying and emotions that night, but I am thanking God!