What "Personal Truth" do I have that doesn't aline with God?
Oh Lord, through thinking about this going through"Search for Life" I believe that I've been living as though my words don't matter. They don't have any value; I'm not worthy enough to talk or speak what's on my mind. I have nothing good to say. My opinion is no use.
God, you've shown me a number of areas that may of caused these thoughts to form in me (mostly in school). At the time, I just brushed these off and didn't think much of them, but now I see the damage that did me:
- Public Speaking: being 'made fun of' for shaking while talking and just overall not being good at it
- In school, being used as "The" bad example for public speaking in class
- Being looked at 'weird' and getting 'poor/bad' "feedback" from peers (& maybe teachers) when answering questions in class or somewhere
- My mind needs time to process things (questions, words, data, thoughts, etc...) and people seem to want me to speak right away. And when I don't answer right away (usually because I am still processing it), it seems that they think I have nothing to say (or nothing good to say): this is even worse in a debate/argument. I suppose I've kept telling myself this, and I have believed it.
- I am not a quick thinker, and words can easily hurt and wound me
Maybe this is why I don't like to talk about my feelings; maybe this is why I don't think I am good with kids; maybe this is why I don't think I am good with/don't like small talk; maybe this is why I have trouble leading; maybe this is why I have trouble making decisions.
Yes Lord, I know that this is all a lie, I just have trouble actually believing it sometimes - I have believed it for so long with out knowing it, it almost seems part of me. I think I have told my self so much that I now believe that these things are just part of my personality. But God you have shown me now that they are not, you have shown me this lie. I want to fully trust it's a lie, I know I have to find and heal the roots, it's just something that won't be a ton of fun, nor easy. It's a work in progress.
I don't want this buried pain
I don't want this struggle
I don't want this shame
I don't want this lie to grow
I want my words to be of value
I want to be involved
I want to freely talk
I've been so quiet and reserved - more so than I was designed for.
Lord help me! I need your hand, I cannot do this alone.
"Speak up Joshua! I want to hear you" - God
God's given me a voice for a reason!
My words matter
I have a voice!
My words have meaning
I NEED TO SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!!!
Lord, Yahweh --- I add to Joshua's prayer........yes! free him from the captivity of Satan's lies and the enemy of his soul. Thank You for not only exposing these lies, but for speaking (and replacing) those lies with the truth. Your truth. Expose whatever else needs to be exposed......and take him back to each lie and the pain/shame that goes along with it......and redeem it. Speak over him what You really think of him and allow him to hear and believe Your words, Your truth. Of Your goodness, please fill him with Yourself --- Let that flow into him, throughout his veins and fill every part of his being....heart, mind, soul, brain, every cell --- so, he will see himself the way You see him and never doubt (or be confused about this) again Let him be filled with truthful thoughts of himself. And be filled with great wisdom to see when it (the enemy attacks) happens in the future. Restore the years the locust have eaten in his life. Let him see his true identity -- flush out the shame, worthless, defective thoughts of himself that fill him. And free him from the lies of 'having to be good enough' or having to do 'good enough things' to be of value to You (or others). Free him from people-pleasing and relying on what others think of him. That is another form of Satan's captivity. Lord, all these things are gifts from You --- we can't get them ourselves. But, we know it is Your desire to do this in him. You've just been waiting for him to ask. Yet, we also know there is a great spiritual battle in the demonic/angel realm to keep him from seeing/believing this. But, greater is Your army, than Satan's army. All You have to do is 'say the Word' and the battle is Your's. So, I ask on his behalf --- fight for him --- free him --- so he can stand and say 'it is because of You' --- I ask this in the powerful Name of Yahweh -- who is Jesus --- that You will bring this to pass.
ReplyDelete💜 this Joshua! Be bold, be courageous, your God goes with you and before you!
ReplyDeletePraise you Jesus for speaking your Truth into Joshua's life . Keep speaking that Truth to him.
ReplyDeleteI so relate to lies from the enemy. So thankful that. God is revealing these to you now in your life. To. Him be all praise!!!
Love,
Aunt Jill
I so admire your courage in sharing your heart with us! I'm amazed at what God is showing you. . .
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