Robert Morris & Michael Jr.

So I joined a Small Group from Eastview Church (one of forty) and were were going to meet on Friday nights, but do to people's schedules it was moved to Sunday nights. .  .  and yesterday was Sunday.    Thus our first night of Small Group was last night.  Our group is all guys and ages range from high teens to low to mid twenties.   oh, and there is only five or so of us.   Our leader is 22 or 23 I believe.    We met at our leader's (Ryan) home, well or his parents home - he lives in their basement - in Normal IL, just a couple minutes from church.  We met at 8:30pm.  

I really enjoyed it.   We have started a seven part series called Frequency by Robert Morris - the Senior Pastor of Gateway Church in Dallas Texas - Ryan (our leader) use to attend Gateway when he lived in Dallas.   I love Robert's messages, so I was excited to start a video series by him.   The first video in the series was called "I am a Sheep" - all these videos are free on podcast or Gateway's website.    It looks like this series will be digging into hearing God's voice.   At first I had some prideful thoughts go through my head that I already know how to hear God's voice - since Robert started out nailing down that God still speaks to us today.   But I felt that was just my pride that I am working to let go of - and I am seeing that I will be learning a lot in this series.   After the thirty to forty minute message, Ryan put on some instrumental worship music and dimmed the lights.  He gave us 10 or so minutes to write down what we think we hear God saying about this message, or whatever else we think He might be saying.   God showed me a picture (on the Apple TV Slideshow Screensaver - a video actually) of a road in a city.  I felt that He told me that He was taking me down a new path of hearing His voice.   I felt some anxiety about it, which surprised me but I also felt a peace and life in it.  So I am looking forward to what He shows/teaches me.   After the 10 or so minutes the lights came back on and we talked about what we thought of the service and any opinions we may have on it.   Ryan also shared some of his life experiences.   Some of which I could relate to - and I also related some of the stories and content Robert had shared about to my last six months up in Canada.    Two of the other guys shared a few thoughts and the fifth mentioned that he was in the spot of not feeling that he can hear God - something Robert had talked about - something that a lot of people feel.    And as this guy noted, Robert had given some good advice on where to start with that - something I would like to somewhat if not fully implement into my schedule.  

After this, Ryan shared some more thoughts and personal experiences and we ended in prayer.  Then we sat and talked a bit.  Ryan put on a Youtube guy that he found funny on the TV.  One guy had to leave right away - he had and early morning this morning.  The other two guys got up and played some Ping Pong and Ryan and I struck up a conversation.  Before long the other two guys left and it was just Ryan and I.  We talked for quite a while - he was sharing with me a revelation and study he'd done/received at how the town of Bethlehem itself shows that Jesus was both man and God.  Plus he shared some other thoughts too - it was very interesting.  Then we got into the Youtube videos from this guy.  We watched those for a while, and then that turned to watching a bunch of Michael Jr. videos on Youtube as well.   We, after quite a while, started a 30 minute sermon by Michel Jr. that he preached at gateway.   It was both funny and really powerful.  Not long afterwards I left, realizing that it was 11:45 PM.   I journaled for about fifteen minutes in my car on the Michael Jr. sermon - in it he had given a picture that really challenged me when I am spiritually right now, and it's something that I really have been trying to work on, but this took it even deeper.   That thought was on my mind until I fell asleep and it's been on my mind since waking up this morning.   I'm going to take some time to really think, pray and process this.   Though I think my prayer life will have a little twing to it now - what Michael talked about also really challenged how I pray - and the visuals that came with it in my heart disturb me a lot.   - So that is something I ask for prayer for, that I'd be able to process through this with clarity and freedom.

I am looking forward to small group next Sunday night!

God is Good!  

Powerful Preparation for Pride

This weekend Sunday morning I had a choice that I have all mornings.  I can think of whatever my mind wants to wonder on about, or I can try, try, try to get into a worship time.   I find that when I don't feel stirred by the Spirit, I struggle to just jump into a great time with God.  However, I decided to give it a try Sunday morning.   It took a bit of "work" but God blessed me with a great time with Him.  I left for church 30 minutes before I needed to be there - it's about a 20-30 minute drive, so I was right on time.   While driving I was praying for various people, and when I got to one person, I felt the Spirit move in a different way.  I felt that I needed to pray "extra" and speak out over that person.  I pulled off to a small lot on the side of the road as I felt to send a word to that person.   I pulled off and prayed and typed/texted a message out to the person.   When I finished I realized I was late for church.  I sent the message and headed off again.

When I got to church, worship had already started - at this point in life I value worship as one of the most powerful parts of life, especially corporately.  I experience God (almost) most in worship (of music and praise).    Anyways I was a bit sad to find that worship had already started, especially since I didn't think they were going to worship very long - the past two weeks worship has been short.     But I didn't want to focus on the sadness or the negative, so I found a spot in the back off to the side and joined in worship.   And worship kept going, Thank you God, you are so good to me!    He stirred in my heart.  I had been asking Him to prepare my heart for the day and reveal Himself to me, and dig deep into me.  And through Worship there He worked in me and prepared my heart.  I had expected, when I asked Him to prepare my heart, that He would prepare if for this time of worship.   And He did so, but not as I expected.  In fact He kept preparing my heart during Worship.    Then we had communion, the worship and offering and worship again!  Then a pastor (not the main senior pastor that normally preaches) stood up and gave a powerful (and very engaging) message on Humility, continuing on our 4-week sermon series on Achan (Joshua 7).   I do not recall such a powerful message on Humility before, God really had done some prep in me.   But He kept preparing me.

The message ended and went into a time of worship.  It was then at that moment that God had prepped me for.   Worship was powerful.  Part way into the preacher offered for anyone to come up front for prayer and/or anointment.  I had decided that I was not going to go up.  But God had a different Idea.   I felt convicted of a sin that I had not wanted to fully recognize for a long time.  Pride.   Feeling weighed down, I sat down.    I didn't know how to release this pride.  I gave it to God the best I know how.  Then I went up front for prayer.  I shared my conviction with the lady that was going to pray for me and asked for prayer also that I would know how to release my pride and let go of it - and that it would be something I could live out rather than a one-time, God-experience thing.   She then (with my permission) anointed me with oil, by drawing a cross with oil on my forehead in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (this was a new experience for me).  Then she prayed for me.

I returned to my seat after the prayer and encouragement and worshiped God.  I continued to try to the best of what I know how, to give to Him, to confess, and to surrender my pride.   It was a powerfully emotional moment.  The service then ended and I remained in my spot to continue to seek God, as most of the rest of the room exited the room.   A guy then sat down next to me and started to talk to me and in conversing with him, he talked me through some of what I was feeling, and through that conversation, God revealed to me more details of my pride that I needed to let go of.    Then they guy prayed for me and left me with some encouragement.   On the way out I stopped in the Family Room for prayer that I would be able to continue seeking God on this and be able to live it out day in and day out.  

Unempoyed

Well today is the big day.   Today, for the first time in over 11 and a half years, my dad is unemployed!   God has blessed him and flourished him wherever he has gone and wherever he has worked.  Around 11 and a half years ago my dad made the big switch in his employment from working at Dell down in Texas, to working at a small little company in Illinois by the name of Precision Planting - owned and run by Gregg Sauder.    Over the last 11 and a half years who he has worked for has shifted here and there but he has remained employed (kind of at the same company: he worked at Precision Planting, then Monsanto bought them out, then sold them - except when Monsanto went to sell Precision Planting, they kept my dad with them).   Now that day has come again.  Monsanto has treated my dad amazingly and have blessed him in so many ways.    However, this past week my dad accepted a position at Yield 360 (another company in Illinois that was started and is run by Gregg Sauder).   Yesterday was his last day at Monsanto, and he starts work at Yield 360 on Monday.    With my dad living in Texas still, he will work remotely for 360 but will be up here in Illinois 5-10 days each month.

Dad, we are praying for you in this huge transition in life and we know that God will bless you in it as well.  

Following Foggy Fortunateness

Last night/evening on the way home from work/school I was driving on a road in the midst of the heavy fog and I was driving pretty fast, not focused much on my speed - not that it makes it okay, but I was so engulfed in singing along to the music in the car I had little regard to my speed, being somewhat hesitant to surpass 70 or 75 mph.   Then out of no where, it seemed, right in front of me was the faint view of break lights, I quickly slowed down to find that a black SUV-like van was stopped on the road waiting for an oncoming car to pass so he could turn.   As the car was turning I drove on.  Not far down the road a car drove by without lights on.  I flashed my lights at him, hopping they'd turn their lights on.  Then it hit me, "Thank you God!"  Had the car in front of me earlier not had it's lights on, I likely would not of see the bright-ish (as it can be in heavy fog) break lights and I would of had an accident.  Praise God!   Later I came to a stop sign and was turning left.  I was enjoying my time in the fog, and as I was making the turn I let go of the wheel and placed my knee on the wheel deciding that I might knee drive for a while - I am a pretty good knee driver (or so I think, though I've never done it in fog).  However as I was letting go of the wheel, I heard what I believe was God's still small voice whisper to me, "that is not wise to do in fog."   Realizing He was right, yet again, as always, I returned my hands to the wheel.   And Good thing too, for not much more than a couple hundred feet ahead I nearly hit a deer or two running across the road (in the fog).   Yet again, I get to give God all the credit.   Thank you God for both telling me and guiding me in wisdom and for saving me from an accident!   God is so Good!

First Foggy Fantastication

The past couple days a heavy fog has settled over the area, dramatically reducing the visibility in various places.  However amidst the fog, I have found great excitement and joy in this dramatic weather.  Likewise as I have felt that a heavy fog had settled over me in one of my classes at school, God has given me many blessings in it.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, I had one particular Child Development class that I was quite stressed and overwhelmed in.   This past Tuesday in class, as I previously mentioned, my aunt gave me an enormous help and my professor stopped class in her busy schedule to help me and my classmates on it, plus she pushed back the date on the assignment that I was confused on.  

Today God brought much more excitement in that class yet again!  The professor started class with some house keeping items.  First she informed us, after a short class discussion on the current project, that she would be, yet again, pushing back the due date of this assignment, giving us more time.  She was pressing that she is looking for quality and wants to give us the time necessary to do so.  I am nearly finished with that project already, I may go back and do some touch ups now though.   Then she told us she has decided to drop the weekly quizzes and replace them with thorough class decisions (a far better option than the quizzes).    She then proceeded to tell us that she has decided to drop the next major assignment (I had reviewed it this morning and was silently not looking forward to it) which was to do a Finger Play activity with 0-2 year olds (A finger play is a song-like rhythm with actions.  For example, Patty cake, row row row your boat, Five monkeys in a tree, etc... and then do some other paper work assignments and a lesson plan prior to it).    She dropped the assignment to help not stress us out as much.  She told us (tying it into what we are learning) that this was an example of modifying and accommodating in a classroom - those two terms mean a lot more now.   Plus she said she would post the study guide for our midterm in a week and a half this weekend.  At the beginning of the semester she was thinking that the midterm exam would be open book, however she changed her mind.  Now the midterm exam is open notes, but no book.   WOW GOD!    She talked to me and explained in class that she understands that it can be stressful and overwhelming and she is willing to work with us.  

Praise God, I am nearly speechless!  I had not expected anything like this, God you are so good in all that you do.

Thank you to everyone who was praying for me, God heard your prayers and has acted upon them!   Glory be to God!  

Kerfuffles & Past Current Provision

So I had a paycheck kerfuffle the past week or so.    I didn't get my first paycheck because the paperwork didn't get processed quick enough (I may have turned them in late, I'm not sure though).  Either way I didn't get the check.    So I went up the the college cashier and they said that it would be added to the next paycheck.  Last Friday I was suppose to get my paycheck, I was told that they will either mail it on Thursday or I can pick it up on Friday.  I decided to pick it up.  Friday I went up to the cashier and they handed me my check.  Later I opened the check and found a couple things, 1) I get paid $8.25 and hour, and 2) I only got my first paycheck, the second one was not part of this check.  So I went back up the the cashier and talked to them.  The lady that was in charge of that was in a meeting, so the lady I talked to told me she would write a note and pass it on to the right person when she gets back.   She told me that I likely wouldn't hear from them until Monday.  Monday comes and I go to work.  At work, my supervisor came and told me what had happened.   When I first started work instead of creating a new spreadsheet for me to clock my hours in, they used an old one form someone who doesn't work there anymore, and just changed the name on the file.  However, when it came time to turn my hours in, I printed off my time sheet for the last two weeks, signed it and turned it in.   I missed, along with whoever did it, that the old employee's name was on top in the spot indicating who get's paid.  So they had paid someone who doesn't work there anymore.   They worked it out and gave me my paycheck by the end of the day.  They also created me a new spreadsheet so it wouldn't happen again.     God is good to me.  

During all that time (about a month), my budgeting program kept telling me that if I pay off my credit card bill, I'd have nearly -$4.00 in my bank.   And I needed money for fuel.  But, as usual, God provides in His own sort of way, and in a timing of many months ago!  

Wait?  You mean to say that God provided for what you in your need now, He provided that months ago???

Yup!   I didn't realize it until the need came.  During the fall months of 2017 I had found, twice, a BP Fuel gift card on my car.  In total, $75 in Fuel gift cards.   I was saving them for one of the many trips I thought I would take.  However, each time it came time to take one of those trips, it fell through.  I wasn't too thrilled at the time but it was such a blessing.   He also allowed me to pick up the flu over Christmas and to be sick for 2+ weeks so that I didn't travel over that time, so I didn't drive and use fuel during that time, and so that I could not get it while the children and employees I work with are picking up the sickness.    Then when it came time to fill up and I had no money, God reminded me that I have the gift cards.   Between driving to my appointments and carpooling with Bethany and Jesse, I had exactly enough to last me until I got paid!  

God is soo Good!    He provides in His own way and in His own timing!  Even that timing may come as a surprise when it sometimes was something He had already provided for and I just didn't see it.  God is Perfect in all His ways, in all that He does and in everything He works out.   God ... is .... Good!

A Day of Hearts

Happy Valentines Day!!!   Today I went to Prairie Christian School (PCS) and read a book to their kindergarten classroom.  1) This was the assignment I was really struggling to understand that my aunt Renee helped me with, and 2) Renee helped arrange this book-reading opportunity - well she actually did a lot more than just help!   It went really well.   There were some awkward moments at the beginning before they became comfortable with me, when I would ask a question and they just stared at me silent.   They soon warmed up and engaged to the questions and provided interesting stories of their own that related to the book.  The book was If You Give A Pig A Party.    Ironically the teacher had just read them an If You Give A... book to them yesterday, and had at least 3-4 others she just got from the library.  

Today I wore my yellow minion shirt with a red tie covered in white hearts that a kindergartner gave me last year for Valentines Day up in Canada.

After leaving PCS I headed to school / work.   I worked today, but work is technically at school.    I worked form 10:30 am to 3:30 pm in the busiest Preschool room, ages 3-5, mostly 3-year-olds.  They were all quite hyper and most of them had already handed out their valentines - I found a small pile of them for me on the teacher's desk.    Some of the kids had been their from 7:30am - and they were all quite hyped up.    To add to the bonus of the day there was "treats" for the teachers in the break room and the lounge that consisted of chips (2 kinds), salsa, guacamole, and cookie cake.    Plus Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for the student workers.   As usual, the day went really quick and sure didn't seem anywhere near five hours.   God is Good!

Not The Only One

Last week I was really overwhelmed in school to the point where I was considering dropping a class.   However, God is so Good, Monday night (this week), the day before I had class again, my aunt Renee came and asked me how it was going and I shared what I was going through.  She offered to sit down with me and go through the assignment that was stressing me out the most.    She offered her time to help me out and it was such a blessing!   She struggled to understand some of it too, but got a lot further than I did.   Because of that I went to class the next day a lot more confident in the class and less stressed.   When I got to class, I found that I wasn't the only one who had no idea what to do.  Yes there were only four of us there (there are five kids in this Child Development class), and only one knew what to do - and come to find out she only partially knew what she needed to do.   So the professor once again, to my amazement, spent the entire day walking each of us through it.   This was the class that the professor said on the first day that we are not allowed to get behind because we don't have time for it, we cover so much.   It looks like she may be sacrificing some course content to help us understand, I really respect that.    Plus, the professor pushed the due date back from this Thursday to this Saturday!   God is so Good!  

The Car In The Cold

Just an update on my car:

All praise be to God, my car has been starting in the mornings.  This morning is was single digits, and my car struggled a bit and it took a few times trying, but it was like God breathed heat into it and she started right up.  Thank you Dad!  

Connection, Continuation, & Communion

This Sunday I went to Eastview Church in Normal, Illinois again.   I actually had gone set up with a guy to meet after the first service to talk about connecting in their young adults program.   I stayed up a little late Saturday night, so I went for second service, but go there a half an hour early to meet this guy.   He shared how the young adults program is new (as in the last 2-3 years) and they currently have three to four hundred people in 40 different groups involved.   At first I thought that he made a mistake in those numbers, but then I remembered that this church has like six thousand people - it's a big church.   Anyways this guy share a bit more about the church and the program and then asked what my school/work schedule was so he could find me a group that meets at a time that I'd be able to make.   He found one, and connected me to the leader of the group.  The group of guys meets on Friday nights, I think at the leader's house - I'm not sure about that yet.   The ages of the guys in the group range from 18-30 (or some number around there), including the leader.  I am hoping to get connected with them and move on from there.    I am still praying about it, but thus far I have felt peace about remaining at Eastview Church for the time being.  

The Service was also really good.   Funny thing is, when I first came to Eastview back in Oct or Nov 2017, it was the first week the church had started going through the book of Joshua.   Last Sunday the were finishing up Chapter 6 of the book of Joshua, and this past Sunday we started Chapter 7.   I was told that we will be going through the book of Joshua for the rest of 2018 and maybe more into 2019.   They take their study's slow and dig deep.  And I really like this.  We actually started this past Sunday a 4-week sermon series on Achan - the man who took some silver and items from Jericho and buried them under his tent (Joshua 7).  

I also found that Eastview has a bit different process of Communion (at least different than any church I've been in).  They do Communion every Sunday, and I believe it is to keep us in constant reminder of Christ and what He did for us.  

At the end of the service this past Sunday the pastor transitioned the end of his message into a time of worship and prayer.  He invited people to come up front for prayer.  I wasn't planning to go up, but I kept feeling this tug on my heart.  I asked God what I should ask for prayer for.  So I ended up going up for prayer to be able to let go of a number of things that have been stressing me out, to let go of things that are holding me back, to let go of weight that I've been carrying that is not mine to bare.    It was quite releasing - Thank you God! :)

Love So Deep

Last Sunday I felt like God was directing me to go to Eastview Church in Normal, Illinois.   During the worship portion of the service I felt a freedom that I haven't felt in a long while, a freedom to worship in a greater depth.   Likewise at the end of the service they did communion and God answered one of my prayers right then and there.  I had been praying for God to show me more of His love and that I may see a greater extent and expanse of His love.  He showed it to me.  He reminded me of many pictures and visions that He's shown me in the past, and brought them all together to the point where I was crying at how unworthy I am of His love.  

During worship at the end of the service we sang a 'Victory' song (after communion).  God made His love so real to me.   Jesus bore every curse.  Then I saw His love, washing over me.   John 15:15 says that I am Christ's Friend!  There is no greater love than to give your life for one's friend.  "God I don't deserve this love.   I am not worthy of this love. God what did I do to deserve this love?"   God replied, "nothing."   Love.  Love so deep, love so pure, Love!  In the sadness, in the midst of tears and emotions, this morning's Life Journal entry came into play: Joy Unspeakable Joy!  I was mixed with awe, unspeakable Joy, laughter and tears.   God's Love!   I did nothing for it, yet He gave it.  He told me HE knew how 'evil' people would get, yet He chose to let us be.  He could have killed off Adam and Eve or Noah, but He didn't.  He knew that such pain and brokenness would fill the earth, yet He Loved us, He Loved me! God oh what Joy!  An answer to prayer, even this morning's prayer: to experience, to know His Love more, to know His Love deeper.  Thank you Lord!  Thank you Lord!

Prayer Request

Aside from the prayer request off the the right side, here is another one.   I have been really overwhelmed lately, and have been struggling to not only stay focused but to also to keep going.  I have had a quite hard week emotionally with school.   I skipped the ISU (Illinois State University) Apostolic Christian Young Group that I usually attend on Thursday.  Why? Thursday was a really hard day emotionally with school and I had an early morning on Friday.  Thinking Thursday morning that I would skip Bible Study to come home and get to bed early, I actually drove to a friend's house in Tremont (~about an hour away) to talk.   She has been a good friend of our family for years.  She really helped me and slowly walked me through a bit of what I am going through and then gave me some suggestions and things to think on and pray about.

Roll'n On

My car has continued to roll on even as it seems to not b perfect. (hmm, a good life analogy in there, haha).   I took my car to the shop in Gridley and it came out saying that the reason for it not starting may be a glow plug problem, however Ben Koch, a Great diesel mechanic (he use to work on my car - I bought the car from his dad) says that he wouldn't touch the plugs since their are not engine codes for them.   So my job now is to find a mechanic who is comfortable working of German cars and take it to him to see what could be wrong - the Gridley shop said they don't have the tools to dig into it (this seems to be a common thread among German cars - Jonathan's Mercedes Benz had the same issue with mechanics).  If you know anyone that might be comfortable with that let me know.     Also, even though the Gridley shop didn't think the engine shaking was the engine mounts, Ben thought that was the most likely reason.  

Playing Hooky

I stayed home playing hooky today.  I skipped my first hour class and my second hour class and I might even skip my third class.  Why would I do that you ask?   Simple: my second class is an out of class work day . . . and my car won’t start.  I had it hiked to Jesse’s car to jumpstart it for over 40 minutes and it still wouldn’t start.   Yes the battery did sound a lot stronger afterwards.  So it seems that the battery is not the problem.  My car also had this problem yesterday morning except when my dad warmed the car up it started.  Today has been a bit trickier.  At my uncle Steve’s suggestion, him, my cousin Jesse and I all pushed the car into the garage.  It was a bit of work.  (It also may be helpful to know that it is less than 10*F outside and we have 5-8 inches of snow).  Currently my car is in our garage with the hood up and a big tarp covering the whole hood area of the car, creating a tent-like area inside.  Inside this “tent” is a heater.   The thought is the fuel may have gelled up again like it did over Christmas.  It shouldn’t as I added a diesel antigel to the fuel last time I filled up.  But we will see.  If I can get it started I may take I may take it into a shop to see if they can find out what’s wrong with my car.