A Choice to be Made: The Durgan Guild or The Book Bindery

****Spoiler Alerts may follow in the text below.  If anyone is super sensitive in not learning any details about the Wingfeather Saga (a four-book series by Andrew Peterson) before getting there, read the following with caution****

I have spent most of the night tonight (for the past two to three hours) sorting LEGOS and listening to the Wingfeather Saga book number three: The Monster in the Hollows.  Lately, as I have been reading these books, I have been pausing at every little thing that stands out to me, recording it and making a note on it.  Through this process (within much prayer), I have learned a lot about myself and things that are buried within me.  However, as I listen to the audiobooks I do not stop at every little thing.  Some things, every once in a while, stand out so much that I will pause, ponder and then play again.   And tonight I had one of those moments.  Except... this part of the book stood out so much, I felt in me that I needed to record it - tonight, no matter how late it is (it is currently around 11:15 PM - and I work tomorrow morning). 

First let me tell you what was said, then I will tell what stood out to me.   To give a bit of context, Gnag the Nameless is a nameless evil that has destroyed most of the world as they know it, and desperately wants Janner and Kalmar - to use for his own evil means.  Artham is Janner and Kalmar's uncle, who is a role model for Janner, as he played the same royal position that Janner is in.  Janner is 12 and Kalmar is 11.  They each have to choose a class in their new school in the Green Hollows where they will study to perfect one topic (such as the book bindery, cookery, woodworking,  hourndery, etc...).  Janner has always loved books, reading and writing, and he couldn't be more thrilled about being able to be in a class with others on that subject (something that he has never had anything like before) in the Book Bindery.  His younger brother, Kalmar, wants to be in a sneakery class called the Durgan Guild where he will lean to fight, sneak, and spy.  Janner's job is to protect his younger brother, as his brother does have some special circumstances around him in addition to most of the city wanting to hurt him (at least it seems so).  Given all their current circumstances, and the fact that all the children in that class are at least 13 years old, everyone knows that an 11 year-old boy is going to get pounded, literally, in that class.  Lots of pain, emotional and physical, will be inflicted to anyone who enters that class, especially Kalmar.  His mom, Nia, will only allow him to be in that class if Janner will do it with him.  Janner is none too happy about this.  Lets take a look:

"Janner stared into the distance and clenched his jaw.  He tried not to, but he couldn't help, picturing uncle Artham looking down at him with disappointment. Janner hatted to admit it, but he knew the right thing was to protect his brother, not just from the students at the guilding hall, but from fangs and bomnubbles and even Gnag the Nameless.  And learning to be a warrior spy was sure to be a bigger help than learning to be a cook or bind books." (Wingfeather Saga Book 3: The Monster in the Hollows)

What really struck me here was that Janner, despite his deepest desire to be with books and other book-loving children, saw that what he wanted wasn't necessarily where he was needed at that time.   That struck out to me because as soon as I paused the audio, whether by my mind or via God's revelation, this situation materialized to me as what I am going through right now.  Just as Janner had no interest in getting 'pounded', I have had little/low interest in taking child development classes in college - and I struggle to see myself working with kids in the long run, at least in a classroom setting - the idea bores me and makes me want to squirm in my seat.   Though I enjoy what I do at work in the preschool classroom, I don't fancy the idea of doing it forever.   To help with this feeling, in December 2018, I enrolled in two art classes for this spring semester (that I am currently in).  I enjoy art and I have been wanted to develop more of my artistic skills for a long while - plus I really, really enjoy working with clay, which I love doing in my ceramics class.   I've even considered taking Ceramics II next semester.   Except, I realize, that my taking them is for my own wants and pleasures, which isn't bad, except it it drawing me quite out of the way for the field that I feel God has clearly led me to.  I feel that God has lead me, and is still leading me to study Early Childhood Education, and to do it will all my heart, with all of me, not the half-heartedness that I have had towards it.   I may not fancy doing this for the rest of my life, but God has called me here, and I need to put away my selfish, earthly desires and follow His lead. 

This is a reoccurring theme, especially lately, that I feel God has been showing me.  To trust Him, and to give whatever He has placed in my path my all, regardless of how I feel about it now.  And looking at The Monster in the Hollows, further on in the book, Janner learns to like the Durgan Guild and, in fact, he finds that it comes to be a very useful help later - a time that "the Maker" (God) was preparing him for.