During the month of May I finished the fourth and last book in the novel series, The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson. Upon finishing it, I felt deep within me a yearning for life as in these books. God has spoken to me and right to my heart countless time though this series. I highly recommend these books, though I caution they are very difficult to put down and are very addictive. But if done with God, Oh my word, there is such value and strength and courage and challenge within its text.
But in the last book, especially in the last few chapters, my heart felt so heavy for them (for the character's that is) - and it still does a bit. Those last few chapters make me want to cry - it ends hard but with pure Hope! It’s very good. It’s hard to describe how I felt without giving away the end of the book (as I do really want y’all to read it). There was and is such beauty and heart touching life in it. Like how hearts were changed and the heart and pure-ness of John 15:13 seen so clearly and vividly with life that is giving. Holding to life and hope in God and strength in and through Him! I cried just writing this. Such pure surrender to save others, again in John 15:13.
I cried over and over on this. I want to bring the leadership at/and heart some of the characters have and the courage to take “that” step despite __________ (any- and every-thing). I want to build/have relationships like what another character seeks, the love as deep as John 15:13 that some other characters have. I want that group of people that are willing to sacrifice, even their lives, for others. I want to be a part of that and be in that.
Then I heard God say, “build that group.” (He was reminding me what He told day me in the Memories Cemetery well over a year or two ago, while I was in Canada). To which I replied, "How do I build it when I struggle with relationships (a lie that I've believed much of my life, but God is challenging and dissolving it now)?" He replied, "You only struggle because you don't want to." I said, "God, you know my heart, I want to be part of that group." He responded with, "You don't want to do the work." Boom! Deep down I knew He was right. I want those relationships, but I don't want to to the work to get there. I want to see lives restored; I want to see the lost found and the broken restored. I asked God, "But where do I start?" He replied, "Start with the prayer group."
(The prayer group is something He put on my heart a while back while I was in Canada for Wayne Keupfer's funeral. Via someone else, He put it on my heart to start a prayer group at school. However upon looking into it, to start an official group/club at my college, there has to be a president, vice president, secretary (I think) and a school staff member. Meaning I have to start with a handful of people - that I don't have - rather than starting with just me and growing from there).
I again countered God with, "But I need other people for that." He told me it's okay to start with just me, then I can invite other's to join from there. But that means that I'll have to work on those relationships. He asked me, "What if your struggle [in life] (the one I kinda want and know is coming) is lots of work with little visible progress/impact?" I cried, saying, "So be it. I do not want that, I ask that not be so, but if it's your will God, then so be it. I deserve it, I deserve much worse (yet You chose to save me by dying for my sin)."
But in the last book, especially in the last few chapters, my heart felt so heavy for them (for the character's that is) - and it still does a bit. Those last few chapters make me want to cry - it ends hard but with pure Hope! It’s very good. It’s hard to describe how I felt without giving away the end of the book (as I do really want y’all to read it). There was and is such beauty and heart touching life in it. Like how hearts were changed and the heart and pure-ness of John 15:13 seen so clearly and vividly with life that is giving. Holding to life and hope in God and strength in and through Him! I cried just writing this. Such pure surrender to save others, again in John 15:13.
I cried over and over on this. I want to bring the leadership at/and heart some of the characters have and the courage to take “that” step despite __________ (any- and every-thing). I want to build/have relationships like what another character seeks, the love as deep as John 15:13 that some other characters have. I want that group of people that are willing to sacrifice, even their lives, for others. I want to be a part of that and be in that.
Then I heard God say, “build that group.” (He was reminding me what He told day me in the Memories Cemetery well over a year or two ago, while I was in Canada). To which I replied, "How do I build it when I struggle with relationships (a lie that I've believed much of my life, but God is challenging and dissolving it now)?" He replied, "You only struggle because you don't want to." I said, "God, you know my heart, I want to be part of that group." He responded with, "You don't want to do the work." Boom! Deep down I knew He was right. I want those relationships, but I don't want to to the work to get there. I want to see lives restored; I want to see the lost found and the broken restored. I asked God, "But where do I start?" He replied, "Start with the prayer group."
(The prayer group is something He put on my heart a while back while I was in Canada for Wayne Keupfer's funeral. Via someone else, He put it on my heart to start a prayer group at school. However upon looking into it, to start an official group/club at my college, there has to be a president, vice president, secretary (I think) and a school staff member. Meaning I have to start with a handful of people - that I don't have - rather than starting with just me and growing from there).
I again countered God with, "But I need other people for that." He told me it's okay to start with just me, then I can invite other's to join from there. But that means that I'll have to work on those relationships. He asked me, "What if your struggle [in life] (the one I kinda want and know is coming) is lots of work with little visible progress/impact?" I cried, saying, "So be it. I do not want that, I ask that not be so, but if it's your will God, then so be it. I deserve it, I deserve much worse (yet You chose to save me by dying for my sin)."
Joshua—So good to be with you at Grandma’s! You will have to talk to Karissa about the wingfeather saga! It’s one of her favorites too! (Especially the last book, I think)> I haven’t read, but just heard about them via her.
ReplyDeletePrayers for wisdom and provision with getting a car and finances, starting the prayer group etc.