This post has been due for a while. Below is something that that I've been going through over the past few months that I have kept off my blog and have shared with few people. This has occupied much of my life, time and prayer over the past few months, especially in recent weeks. And it starts and ends (and everything in between) with God.
Over the past two years, especially the past year, God has been taking me step by step on having me let go of my Stuff. --> I like my stuff. a month or two ago God took this challenge to another level. I felt that God challenged me to get rid of everything. I spent a long while, even up to today, praying, asking God 1) is this really you God and 2) what do you mean by "Everything"? Weeks of praying this resulting in the same thing. Every time I asked, "what is everything?" I heard, "Everything." I started asking God specifics. "do I sell my clothes that still fit me that I wear on and off?" To which He replied, "Is that part of everything?" I said, "Well technically they are part of everything I own, but..." He replied with, "[get red of] everything." Time after time I kept noticing confirmations that this was Him. Then when my phone was "wiped" that made it final. Well, before I get there, there's another piece that has been really challenging to me. While on my way home from school one night, I was pondering what giving up everything would look like. I hypothetically pondered what it would look like if I gave up my laptop (which I use multiple times daily). I finally concluded to myself that, "no, I couldn't give up my laptop." Just at that moment I heard God say, "I want you to sell your laptop." That took me into a deeper more "serious" time with Him and all sorts of questions. I finally got to the point that I was willing to give up my laptop, except my biggest "fear" was losing my files. I have journals, notes, encouragements, things God's told me and much more that I find very valuable. That was a huge challenge, and I kept feeling God say to wipe my files and rid my laptop. Then back to my phone being wiped.
As I was sitting in the Sprint Store the first time, God revealed how the phone related to what I was going through. It was almost a sign that I could chose to wipe my files or I could not, and they would be wiped when I least expected it and when it would be a lot harder for me. So as I was sitting there, I asked God that if this was Him and this is what He was saying, that they (Sprint) would not be able to recover the data that was lost on my phone. And after hours of work, nothing from Sprint. And it gave me great joy and peace. Joy and peace beyond what I can explain, it was so all God.
Well after that, I came home and started taking all the close out of my closet and putting them on the table for our upcoming garage sale. I had complete peace about it. I then have started going through my computer and deleting files from it. While cleaning out nearly Everything in my room, I created a stack of papers, notebooks, journals and such that I really didn't want to git rid of. After I had surrendered to God, He allowed me to email my journals and such to myself and put them on Google Drive (for now) so they will be there when my laptop is gone. However that's not that easy to do with paper copies. I have journals (general, deep and personal, and all so much more), notes from church, notes from events and conferences and groups, all my SLI notes, and much valued pieces of paper.
But God challenged me yet again. He showed me how I have been trying to hold onto these great things and hold onto them and have God encourage me and work through me via these papers and notes. Except God said, 'I don't want you to seek me through those, I want you to seek me (Period)." The picture I got of this situation was that I have two broken legs and I have a walker to hold me up. This walker is these notes, journals, words from God, and encouragements. God's telling me to take a step of faith and let go. Let go of the walker and let Him hold me up. That's hard. I was hoping He would let me keep these in the end.
However tonight on my way home from class, I had yet another chat about this with Him and He made it very clear to me that He want's me to get rid of Everything, including my notes, journals and such. It was so clear and I had such peace about it, no matter how hard it was to think about, when I got home I went right to work. I got a big garbage bag and one by one, and stack by stack, dumped all my journals, notes, encouragements, written words from God, SLI notes, Conference notes, Church notes, life notes, Life journals, bible studies, personal devotions, bible studies and all that, that I have been holding on to more than I'm holding on to God. I dumped it all in the garbage. It was hard, and I know that I will have times where I will look back and wish that I had such and such notes or journal or thought, but I also know the peace and joy that I have in this, and the clarity of God speaking to me on this, saying He has something far greater for me.
I am getting rid of almost everything because of this calling. I am still praying that God will allow me to keep 3.8 sets of clothes rather than one set. But as of right now, it's just one set that I am keeping, the rest is on the garage sale. I asked God if I can keep my phone and He said yes. I believe that part of this is because I went through something like this prior to getting my phone. I did not want it for various reasons, and (thankfully) because of that I am not that all attached to it. I asked God if I could keep my bible and He said yes. I asked Him if I should get rid of my car and He said, "You can keep your car for now, but be ready to give it up at a moments notice." Whatever He means by that??? --- Just hold it loosely someone told me. So, I am selling literally everything I own, except my car, phone, bible, a few toiletries (razor, tooth brush, comb), my passport, and a few papers that God has allowed me to keep for one reason or another, oh, and my backpack and school stuff. Other than that, everything I own is for sale or in the garbage - a lot was burned last week.
However "selling" my stuff to me is not for the money. I know that God will take care of me just as He has always done and as He has said He will do. I trust that without a doubt. I asked God as I was pricing things to give me prices. I priced them at the price that I heard, when I heard a price. Some are way high, and some are way low. I do not know if the high ones are because He wants me to keep them for something else, or He has someone who will pay that much for them. I am praying for direction of what to do with the money I get too. At this point, I am hearing to give every dollar. And for the things that are priced way low, well someone is going to be blessed. I am praying that everyone who comes to the garage sale this weekend, will be blessed. There are over 5 boxes of Free stuff (nice stuff too) and lots of nice cheap stuff. God has a plan far greater than I can see or understand, but I am trusting Him that He will work His will and His kingdom will advance. God works all things together for good for those who love Him - Romans 8:28
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please Share your thoughts, questions, and prayer requests....