A Key To Peace

The internal turmoil of should I go to Texas or should I go to Canada next week produced some negative responses in me.  Instead of calmly seeking God’s direction and leaving it up to Him entirely, I allowed this decision to control me.  It was the primary population of my heart and mind over the course of the first few days and it drove me to confusion, anxiety, and urgency.  However these responses were not from God.   Praise be to God for guiding me to the correct and proper decision: trusting Him.  

I had trusted Him that He would use whatever decision I made for good, but I did not give Him full trust of the entire decision.  Philippians 4:6 says that we are to be anxious about nothing; to not worry about anything, but to take everything to Him in prayer.  Having come to this realization and reviving this revelation, I gave it all to God.  I told God that I was done worry about this decision; I was going to put this decision on the shelf and let Him take care of it.  If He desired to lead me one way or another, I will let Him do that. I’m not going to let my perspectives, my wants, my worries, and fears to get in the way of God working.  And I did just that.  I gave it all to Him and took it all to Him in prayer and thanksgiving.  

Since then, when worry, doubt, anxiety, or urgency tries to step into my mind again, I push it out - I will not let these pressures to have even a single footstep or thought in my mind.   And I have to say, wow!  The ease, peace, and freedom that came with it is so refreshing.   True, I do not know where I am going, if anywhere, but I know God will lead me if and when He wants to and in whatever way He choose to.  

Travel-a-Mania

This coming weekend is our Baurer Family get together.  In the past this has usually be held at grandma's house in Princeville, Illinois, but this year it is being held at the Stahl's house up in Madison, Wisconsin.   We will leave early Friday afternoon and likely return Sunday afternoon/evening.  It is about a 3 hour drive each way.   Saturday, us kids and a few other adults are going to head to the Wisconsin Dells for a day at a water park.   Saturday evening will likely be filled with good conversations, games, and/or rest from the day.  Sunday we will all go to church with the Stahl's and then sometime after lunch we will likely head out, back to Illinois.  

The following Monday through Friday I do not have work, since there is some sort of training/prep for the full-time teachers - all the children and student workers get the week off.   For the past few weeks I have been planning to spend that whole week down in Texas with my family - I haven't seen my mom since Christmas.   I've been quite excited to be heading down there.    When I decided to go down, I had peace about planning the trip.  Within the last week or so, I've been even more excited as my mom is going through some exciting transitions and in that, she likely won't have work that whole week while I'm there.  

However now I am not so sure if I am going.   This past Tuesday night, I had texted my dad my plans for this coming weekend and my travel to Texas.   The moment I hit the send button on the text, I had a flood of peace leave me instantly.   This concerned me, yet it was good as it led me to God.  I spent the next while in prayer, listening, and reading the work(s) of God seeking His wisdom and direction as to why I lost peace.  I had felt like the lack of peace was regarding my trip to Texas, or at least that part of my text to my dad.    During that time with God, my mind was suddenly flooded with all sorts of thoughts about going to Canada - something that I wasn't even remotely considering.  I do not know for sure if those thoughts were from God, from me, or from remembering last summer - last summer, about 54 or 55 weeks ago, the night before leaving for Texas God changed my plans and had me head to Canada instead.  He, then, worked out some incredible timing and some well needed conversations that I had no knowledge about prior to going.    God no doubt worked it for good.    This time around, this year, I don't know if God is doing the same - just with a little more notice ahead of time, or if it was a memory from last year.  

I've talked to both of my parents about it and they both would be sad (as would I) if I didn't make it to Texas this coming week, but they are fully supportive in me following where I feel God leading me - even if it's not to Texas as planned.    I am so blessed to have parents that support me in my walk with God!!!  It means so much to me!  

One reason that I wonder if this is God's doing is that the sense of peace and lack of peace and movement in my spirit in the moment Tuesday night was very similar if not identical to the peace, lack of peach and movement in my spirit that I experienced last summer when God called me back to Canada for a week.   My track record of these experiences seems to be most of the time, if not all the time, that I feel these movements, it turns out to be God's work indeed.  And God ALWAYS works them for good!

Through time in prayer the last two days, I've been asking God that if this crazy idea is His doing, that I'd have peace with it and that the desire would grow.  If it's not from Him, that I would lose peace with it and my desire would die.   Over the last two days my desire (and peace) about going to Canada has grown, though at this very instant, I feel more neutral about it.  

I know God will work Good out of whatever I decide and that He will be with me regardless of where I go - or not go.    However, I do deeply want to follow if He is sending me; I deeply want to not make the "wrong" decision.  Yet I also know that, as I have asked Him to, He is and will be teaching me to not be afraid of making the "wrong" decision - meaning not to fear failure or messing up.  I am an imperfect human, so if I set expectations to follow perfectly and all the time, I set myself up for some painful and disappointing let downs, for I will mess up from time to time.  I just want to not have to deal with mess-ups.

I had a thought, that if I am in Texas next weekend, I would love to attend my dad's church - last time I tried the pastor was sick - and since the small house church is in the pastor's house, the service was cancelled.  Though, at this point - and I don't know why yet - but I don't have peace about going there next weekend.    If I am in Canada, I would love to attend Koinonia again (I don't know if I have peace about this or not).   However I ran into the problem that it would be a bit too much to attend either church (particularly one in Texas) and still make it all the way home in the same day - as I work at 8am Monday morning.  The trip to Canada is about 8-9 hours each way and the trip to Texas is 14-16 hours each way.   In hopes to have more traveling time, I put in a request form at work requesting that Monday off.  I told my boss that I understand that the requested day off is less than 2 weeks away (to request time off, my work asks that I submit the form at least two weeks ahead of time), and I can work around things if I can't get it off (I am also really blessed with a wonderful and lenient work - I have never been declined a requested time off).   Normally when I submit the form several weeks or months ahead of time, they return it approved two weeks prior to being off.  This time, they returned the form approved within several hours!!!  WOW!  Praise God!!!  He is so Good to me!!!

So from here on out, I am praying for wisdom on where to travel to (if anywhere) next week, and that God's hand of protection and provision would be over me regardless of where I go, or don't go.  

Final Car Update

Yes, at long last my car is done and good.  The I picked up my car from the shop and found that I could still find the problem - they were not able to though.   I went for a drive with my dad and we (more him) came up with a more detailed description of what was happening to the car and we sent the shop that information.   The shop did the research based on the new detailed info and found that a handful of people have had this problem and it's a simple fix.   It was a bad sensor.  So the shop found a time that I could meet them at another shop in Peoria (where they get a lot of there work done), where they switched the sensor from one of their Prius's with mine - and it solved the problem.   Had I done all this with the Toyota Dealership it would have cost me well over $4,000.   Tremont Car Connection charged me $0!!!!!!!!!   Praise God!!!!!!!!!    WOW!!!  Their willingness to help and support and care for me was way over the top, blessing me abundantly.  I would highly recommend them for anyone in the area looking for a used car.

This past week, I also was able to replace my back to tires which were worn below the legal limit.   My front two tires still have at least half the tread on them.